Going Bonkers

Keeping busy with official and unofficial activities in my life. Sometimes, I forget that I am human and am very capable having my feeling hurt. It doesn't happen often, and I steer clear of things that I might actually care about and I move along rolling my eyes about the crap I am forced to witness. I don't allow a lot of people into my inner circle. I know I take it to an extreme, but even my Twinner's I haven't let in on a lot. I can't do it. My current company demands this distance, and there is not one among them deserving of such a trusted and sacred part of me.

Today, as the last few days have been I have been in a position of what to some might be jaw-dropping experiences. But for me, I have to analyze it first and consider what has really come to pass. That way, I don't jump to conclusions. It finally hit me today that my feeling is hurt and I am not pleased about it. I am not angry, I am hurt. I'm hurt, however, on a few different levels, which make the hurt deeper. I hurt for the man I look to for so much guidance, as I see him faced with many troubles. I hurt for his family, and what they have gone through, especially his wife. I hurt to see him hide his concern for the economic welfare of his company and those that work for him. I hurt when sometimes his frustrations (even in his concern he is very even keel), are taken out on my by short comments that hurt me to my core.

I rarely cry. I don't cry at funerals. I don't cry when I watch stupid chick flicks that most women require and entire box of facial tissue. I can watch Schindler's List a million times and not shed one single tear. I have read books about what the Jews had to endure while in the various extermination camps, where, in great detail, the experiments, and method of mass execution is described, and still...no tears. However, today, I felt the desire to cry. I didn't cry, but I actually thought I might. All because of one word..."whatever." It wasn't the word itself, but the tone, and intent, and from whom the word was spoken. It hurt me. That's it.

ej