Lengthening my Stride

Last night, my friend Matt and I, attended a "social" at the San Jose Institute of Religion (That's a place where our church has a building set aside for members and non members alike to attend classes that teach about different parts of the gospel to increase one's understanding of the doctrine, while serving as a place where people can hang out in between classes). At any rate, following one of the classes on Wednesday, they have a group activity/team building exercise. It probably wasn't the highlight of the night, but whatever...

There were a few awkward moments, but the first was when Matt and I were shooting pool waiting for the class to be over when a girl we didn't know walked in and over to us and asked, "Are you on a date?" I quickly replied in the negative. I was shocked on two levels, the first being that she did not engage in any preliminaries, nor did she say, or ask anything else. Not that being on a date with Matt would be a bad thing, but why would he take me to the institute for a date??? He has a little more style than that! Secondly, he and I have been on a date a long time ago. It didn't go well.

However, that leads to a different, yet related train of thought. Since he and I have become friends, I would have no problem going on a date with him. He is a lot different than he was when he asked me out. He was fresh off a mission, still really socially awkward, and immature. He has grown by leaps and bounds since then, and I would hope that I have as well. So, the thought of giving it a second attempt doesn't make me want to puke. I'd be totally open to it, but I'm not hoping for it, but I'd be open. I say this, just to point out that a few years ago, the thought of hanging out with Matt wasn't very appealing. We were both in different phases of our lives and there was not even enough chemistry to have a friendship.

This can happen in different aspects of our lives. Sometimes, we are presented with certain opportunities and it doesn't appeal to us, but when the same situation is re-introduced later, we don't always give it a second chance. Sometimes, the time passed, the changes and growth we experience, make us more prepared, or more compatible with the situation. Here is a medical analogy: When I was a young child, I suffered from chronic migraines (this has not changed). However, I was given a medication called Fiornal to take when I was suffering with a more severe headache than OTC drugs could not alleviate. As a child, my body could not handle the affects, or accept the chemical change and my body responded poorly. It was insufferable! I was then prescribed something else. As my body changed, and I grew older, so did my chemical make up. The medication I took stopped working, and they suggested I give Fiornal another shot! In high school, on the verge of being home schooled due to high absences due to illness, I decided to go for it. It was amazing! I resisted for some time, because I had remembered what I had experienced the first time around, but it became an important part of my life. Sure, I was knocked out for two hours solid, but I woke up feeling like a million bucks!

I think about that when presented with something that I have already seen, or experienced. I ask myself, "Didn't I already try this? I know I didn't like it the first time, why would that be different this time?" But, like Fiornal, and green beans (I despised them as a child), church dances, FHE, hanging out with certain groups of people, I have found that sometimes, when time has passed and I have grown as a person, and especially when it comes to people, we change and progress all the time. Who's to say it may not be more to your liking later? Well, I guess in the case of the green beans, it's a deterioration of the taste buds that make them more palatable as an adult, but I think you get the point. So, I guess the point is ask yourself “why not?” and maybe you might find yourself stretching your legs a little more and lengthening that stride!

I am going to make a greater effort to do this in my social networking. It's got to be more than tolerance. Tolerance without at least a little benevolence is a vain effort indeed.

Going Bonkers

Keeping busy with official and unofficial activities in my life. Sometimes, I forget that I am human and am very capable having my feeling hurt. It doesn't happen often, and I steer clear of things that I might actually care about and I move along rolling my eyes about the crap I am forced to witness. I don't allow a lot of people into my inner circle. I know I take it to an extreme, but even my Twinner's I haven't let in on a lot. I can't do it. My current company demands this distance, and there is not one among them deserving of such a trusted and sacred part of me.

Today, as the last few days have been I have been in a position of what to some might be jaw-dropping experiences. But for me, I have to analyze it first and consider what has really come to pass. That way, I don't jump to conclusions. It finally hit me today that my feeling is hurt and I am not pleased about it. I am not angry, I am hurt. I'm hurt, however, on a few different levels, which make the hurt deeper. I hurt for the man I look to for so much guidance, as I see him faced with many troubles. I hurt for his family, and what they have gone through, especially his wife. I hurt to see him hide his concern for the economic welfare of his company and those that work for him. I hurt when sometimes his frustrations (even in his concern he is very even keel), are taken out on my by short comments that hurt me to my core.

I rarely cry. I don't cry at funerals. I don't cry when I watch stupid chick flicks that most women require and entire box of facial tissue. I can watch Schindler's List a million times and not shed one single tear. I have read books about what the Jews had to endure while in the various extermination camps, where, in great detail, the experiments, and method of mass execution is described, and still...no tears. However, today, I felt the desire to cry. I didn't cry, but I actually thought I might. All because of one word..."whatever." It wasn't the word itself, but the tone, and intent, and from whom the word was spoken. It hurt me. That's it.

ej