Love Thy Neighbor

i saw my father cry once
when i was six years old
he told me "some people died today"
he was praying on his knees
praying that their families
and loved ones would alright
though i didn't understand it then
i know now that it's true

we have to love one another
even if they may be a stranger
my father taught me that way
to praise God and live for today
He told us to love our neighbor
even as we love our Savior
pray for love for others

i still believe the words
my father spoke that day
even though we don't talk
like we used to do
he taught me good things too
and the rest we just let go

I saw my father cry again
I actually felt something this time
It was different than before
But tears began to fill my eyes
I blinked them away
And thought about when I was six
The people he prayed for
This time it wasn’t someone else’s mother
It was his and he sang to honor her

ej

I don't like to watch the Tele

i don’t like to watch the tele,
especially the news.
i'd rather play football then
watch it monday night.

i like a good film now and again,
mostly for background noise.
there are times i feel so lazy,
i can hardly move a muscle.
there are days i cannot be stopped,
when i decide to go.

i get so tired at the end of a day,
my eyes will cross, my toes cry out
"stop! and let me be!"
my heart beats loudly in my ears,
like quasimodo found
a new home

i don't like to sit around and stare
my walls are white and plain
but that is not what bothers me
i like them white it looks so clean
it's sitting, wondering

"how else will i fill my time?"
i don't need people every moment
of my dayin fact i'd rather shoot
my right toe,
with a gun and buck shot
blow it clean away

i only do what i must
because i know it's right
however
without my right toe
i'd be watching football
every monday night

ej

Escaping

i spent so many hours searching
praying for a way of escaping
in a quiet, hidden prison i laid dreamless
asking "why i'd been so shameless?"
i had a fear of someone knowing
or seeing me not glowing
he told me it was all he needed
but it was me, he mistreated
escaping the darkness
running from the fear
even in the daylight
I can’t hold back the tears
I blamed myself at the start
and my world was torn apart
in a world where truth so easily hides
i hugged my knees singing lullabies
i was taught to smile no matter what
so i wiped away my tears
stood up on my own two feet
despite all my fears

jjf

Society Says

society says, "dress like this,
don't say that!"
but really no one is truly happy
either way we move along
being what we think we should
too afraid to be just who we ought
to, be who we really are
why do we choose acceptance
no matter what the cost?
is it me? is it who,
you think me to be?
do i wake up happy to know
that i am me and it's enoug
hand that is what He loves?
we all want to be happy
but who really is?
i am happy when i'm me
with no disguise to hide
let my fears show you
who i am inside
i don't need to be afraid
i just need you to see
that who I am inside
should be enough, you see?

ej

Solitude (Silly)

i sit in solitude
as i relieve my waters
some say i'm crude
'cause i eat alligators
i like to drink coke
i know a guy who smokes
i eat 'cause it's there
i don't brush my hair
if i could do one thing,
just one thing!
i'd grab a man's "HOO HAW"
just to make him sing!

ej

too much oatmeal

i ate too much oatmeal today
tho it could've been the soy
i drank orange soda icy cold
made my tongue turn orange
the corn dog and the boiled eggs
went straight to my thighs
who counts the calories? not i

i'm too many pounds and happy
what does the doctor say?
you eat too much,
or you too little
what is a girl to do?

ej

Wild as the Wind

she turned three today
her daddy's late again
he's been working overtime
says times are tough
it's what he has to do
i remember the days
when,


we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
he took me far above
the moon and stars
i thought it would never end
we were young and in love
and wild as the wind


wondering now if we can
still make things right
i look at my baby girl and smile
she's what helps me see the light
when it's dark outside
and the bed is cold and lonely
unlike when,


we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
late summer nights dancing
holding each other close
not afraid of what tomorrow
or the world might bring
we were young and in love
and wild as the wind

he gets home late, doesn’t say a word
never says "i love you"
or holds me like before
he's the man i see when i dream
i wish he would take me to the days
when,

we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
driving with the top down
carefree and smiling
we sped through town

jjf

Tumbling Teddies

WHEN EYES ARE HEAVY AT SLEEPY TIME
AND WARM NIGHTS, HAVE TURNED COLD
OF DISTANT WORLDS SUBLIME
YOUR DREAM FILLED SLEEP UNFOLDS
WITH HER HAND THAT IS STEADY
AND A HEART FULL OF LOVE
SHIELDED BY HER WINGS LIKE A DOVE
SHE HOLDS YOU, HER TUMBLING TEDDY

ej

Come Home Daddy

No light of day just dark of night
How the wind howls and gives me fright
I wait beside my daddy’s chair
Holding fast with Teddy Bear
mommy says turn out the light
I shiver with cold in candlelight
"hold me close, and hold me near"
I say to mommy with a tear
"hush now sweetheart, time to sleep.
daddy’s close now, no need to weep."
I close my eyes and drift away
I hope that daddy comes home today

ej

April Showers Bring May Flowers

March is the beginning of a new season
When the snow begins to melt away all reason
The sun shines brightly and invites all
Those who accept, dare to take the fall
To live and to learn, is what shapes us
To forgive and forget, in this we Trust
Even when raindrops fall from the sky
Soar to new heights, with wings we fly
Even at times when we shed sad Tears
Like flowers that survive long winters
We remember that April showers,
Always bring May Flowers

ej

Smelly Shoes

I have a pair of shoes that I enjoy wearing. They are the kind of shoes that will go with nearly everything I wear. Normally, when I don't know which pair will go with what outfit, my default choice is my black ballet shoes. They are universal and comfortable. It's like walking barefoot...but not. I can wear them with a cute pair of jeans, or with a stylish pair of pedal pushers and cute top, or I can wear them with my Sunday skirt and blouse!
There is one slight problem...my feet make them smell! It's horrible! Okay, so I purchased them at Payless, but does the sweat from my feet have to give them such redolence? Do inexpensive shoes have to have this common problem? The shoes I love to wear because they allow me to feel like a delicate princess walking down the corridor of her castle. I love to point my toes like a ballerina while I wait for the elevator! It makes me smile and feel giddy inside, like a little girl might feel as she waits for her turn to go onstage for her first dance recital!
However, there is the repulsive odor I mentioned earlier. Imagine this: A very good looking man (who smells amazing by the way) picks you up for dinner and after you invite him in and finish the small talk, you finally decide to leave. On your way out the door, you pick the shoes for the evening by thinking to yourself "black ballet shoes, please." You make your way to the truck feeling the excitement of the moment. You remember how wonderful he smelled as he hugged you during that happy salutation only a few minutes before. Then, as you are enjoying your dinner you think about doing "the girl thing." Ladies, you know what I'm talking about; kicking off your shoes under the table and feeling comfortable. However, as I consider doing this and get one shoe partly off I remember the repugnant odor as it makes it's way up to my nostril hairs! "OH NO!" I think to myself, but it's too late! I sit and wonder if he'll notice, and if he does, will he know it's me??? We get back to my apartment and hug good-bye and again, he envelops you in an extended embrace, and even though you are not planning on pursuing him romantically, you smile slightly and close your eyes and breath him in. You love him because he is your friend and has been for years, but hope that even though he loves you too, he doesn't pass out from the malodorous, but super cute shoes you've chosen to wear.

ej

Turned it down

I guess I considered it too late, but there was a coaching position available at one of the local high schools and I inquired after the position was filled. It was coaching the Girl's Basketball team and I was excited to even go after it. Next year, perhaps I can look into it a little sooner maybe. I was contacted by a gentleman for coaching a middle school boys lacrosse team, and it sounded really great. However, I had to turn down the opportunity because the games were on Saturday and/or Sundays. I told him that Sundays were not good for me, because I don't work on Sundays. He still wanted to move forward, but I couldn't do it. There would be too much temptation to work just one sunday...then I would be going against my rule, so I said "no." There will be other opportunities, maybe not this year, but there will be others!

I have been writing a little bit lately, but haven't been able to work on any melody. That's been really frustrating, as the melody is what will bring it all together. Even if I just threw some chords together on the guitar it would work. We'll see!

ej

I don't like to watch the Tele

i don't like to watch the tele,
especially the news.
i'd rather play football then
watch it monday night.

i like a good film now and again,
mostly for background noise.
there are times i feel so lazy,
i can hardly move a muscle.

there are days i cannot be stopped,
when i decide to go.
i get so tired at the end of a day,
my eyes will cross, my toes cry out
"stop! and let me be!"

my heart beats loudly in my ears,
like quasimodo found a new home
i don't like to sit around and stare
my walls are white and plain

but that is not what bothers me
i like them white it looks so clean
it's sitting, wondering
"how else will i fill my time?"

i don't need people every moment of my day
in fact i'd rather shoot my toe,
with a gun and buck shot
blow it clean away

i only do what i must
because i know it's right
however
without my right toe
i'd be watching football
every monday night

ej

Making some changes

I'm always busy. If there is one thing people know about me...I'm always busy. Lately, I feel the need to take it down a notch. For years, people tell me I do too much. I think others, do too little. We have so much time in the day, where do we spend it? However, as of late, I have been so exhausted, that can't be a good thing. Tired is one thing, but exhausted? That's a whole other story! So, I am preparing to take the necessary steps to change what I am doing.

I want to make a list of things I want to focus on for the next month. I figure if I take it one month at a time, I will get all the things I want to get done...done! It's hard deciding what to cut out of the schedule...so many fun and worthwhile activities to choose from. We'll see how it goes!

ej

Plans for Labor Day

Sigh...I am going to be traveling this weekend. Not one of my favorite things to do, well, I guess it's not that I don't like to travel, but traveling in a car with a bunch of people I'd rather not be around is not high on my list of things to do. I am doing my best to be excited about the weekend, and not get too bummed about the drive. It's gonna be great, but I am working on being prepared for the car experience. By the end of the weekend, I will have spent an entire day driving with people that drive me absolutely bananas! I'm charging the Ipod, buying a cheap Discman and plenty of batteries! I am even preparing many different CD mixes. Holy smokes! I wish I had my portable DVD player still! For the first time in a year or so, I am missing that little guy. It's gonna be great....it's gonna be great! {deep breath} It's gonna be great!

ej

Full Week

My weekend started last Thursday afternoon and didn't stop until I arrived at work Tuesday morning. I requested a day off about a month ago, as I was in dire need of a "chill day." I was able to work out a deal with my friends, Jamie and Mike, and they went on a day date so that I could baby-sit their 1 year old baby girl, Riley! It was so much fun! Ever since she started walking, we have been able to play so many more games. I love kids!

Friday night we went to Rib Night in Los Gatos, and per usual, they were excellent. I didn't have any ribs, but everyone else enjoyed them. We had four "rookies" in our group this month and they all finished their ribs off with ease. There was a lot of excitement at rib night, as Heather won two of the raffle prizes, but allowed me to take a break from rubbing shoulders to collect one of the prizes. She won a camping chair and a set of pasta bowls. She donated the pasta bowls to my new apartment and me! So sweet of her! Now the greatest moment of the evening was the 50/50 raffle. In case you don't know what that is I will give a brief explanation. People buy a number of tickets, and after the money is collected, 50% goes to the Lodge for whatever "lodge improvement" project they are needing, and 50% goes to the ticket holder! I decided that after 7 years of attending rib night, I could spare ten bucks to help them make some renovations. Just before he read the winning ticket number aloud, I shouted out to my buddy on the stage, "Oh, oh! Mama needs a new car! Oh, yeah!" As he read the final digit of the winning ticket I shouted in disbelief, "Shut up!" Everyone, including my friends at the table started laughing at me! Dude! I totally won $125!!! It was so great! Of course, I put on a little show by doing a little victory dance as I collected my winnings. Even now, I am in a little bit of disbelief.

After Rib Night, Dave, Heather, and I (after much deliberation), decided to meet up with some people for karaoke at the Almaden Lounge. The bar scene is not really my cup of tea, but we went at any rate. Dave was being a baby about the whole thing, which kind of worked out well for me. I didn't really want to be there long, but was making the best of it. He finally gave me the "look" and I knew we were on our way out! Woo hoo! I knew he wanted to go see the new Harry Potter. He had made such a fuss about it earlier in the evening, so when he said, "I wonder if I could catch a midnight showing of Harry Potter? I'll watch it by myself!" I knew he was gonna go see it, and of course I said I'd go with him. He's such a baby sometimes! It was 2345 when he said that and we called around and found a midnight and midnight-thirty showing in Santa Clara. Of course, with his lead foot, we made it to the midnight showing and even were able to enjoy a few previews. I didn't get home until nearly 0300 and I was wiped out.

Saturday was extremely busy. I cooked an Indian dish for the Box Lunch activity for church, but ran late because of a few technical issues, one being the misplacement of my keys. I ended up going and having a chill time with the people that attended. Most of the day I kept busy doing things around the apartment and can't remember what I did in the evening, which means it obviously wasn't very memorable.

I love living in my apartment! It's been so great having my own place, have I already said that? I have been enjoying going through boxes and finding these I haven't seen in a few years! I have been spending a fair amount of time purging all the excess "junk" I have accumulated over the past few moves. When the moves are rushed, I find that I acquire much more junk than if I had packed systematically. This whole week has been a week of getting things done around the new homestead.

On Tuesday, my friend Michelle came by to help me come up with a new floor plan. I'm pretty left-brained and I wanted to have a little more style in my place, so I called in the Calvary. It's a little abstract, but I like it. I wouldn't have come up with that kind of layout (again, really left-brained), but it's going to work for now. I need to make or buy a beanbag chair or something like that. OOHHH! If those silly "Love Sacks" were less expensive, that would be a lovely addition to the studio apartment life. I think apartment complexes that feature Studio apartment living, should include a "Love Sack" in each dwelling. That way, each person when they move in gets to have one! Heh! Oh yeah!

Okay, back to reality...things are coming along. I finally got my bookshelf out of storage, but not my books. Until my VHS are gone, I don't have room for more books at the moment. I have half a dozen big boxes in storage, and not sure what I'm going to do with them. I will have to make a goal of one box a week to sort through until things are all resolved. I think my favorite part of living alone is that I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. I know the bills will get paid on time, and I don't have to wait on someone else to cover their share of the rent, or the utilities. It makes it so much easier to depend on someone dependable...me! Amy and Arthur are loaning me their kitchen table and chairs and will be bringing it by today! I've been eating over the sink, or at my desk, so it will be nice to be able to sit at a table. When I have guests over for dinner, they can sit on actual chairs and eat at a table, instead of covering my ottoman with a sheet and calling it a table.

The week has been very full. Between seeing my family on Monday, very interesting and intense classes at karate, friends coming over to help me in my decorating/organizing efforts, and boys working hard to complicate things in my life, I've realized many great blessings that fill my life currently. I am so grateful that I am able to recognize them and to be able to express my appreciation for them. I would not want to take too much for granted, especially, since I am really proficient at going 100 mph and forgetting to let people in my life know I appreciate them. I love my family and friends! They are important to me!

ej

Closure...

You know, I've been moving for the last three weeks. It was probably one of the most difficult moves for me (and I've moved a lot). However, with all that was difficult, the sliver lining here, is the fact that I have my own place. No roommates. This is an exciting time for me, as far as living arrangements go. Right now, the unpacking is kicking my butt and having to downsize to accommodate my small but mighty studio has been brutal. I love that I have my own place, but I'm still so tired from the past few weeks.

Yesterday, was the first time I was able to talk to anyone about Vince going missing. I talked to Kelly, because she was the only one I felt comfortable talking to. It was tough, because when I first found out he was missing, I wasn't ready to talk about it, and then when I felt I needed to talk, we were at the beach for FHE with my ward, and I don't know anyone in my ward that I would feel comfortable talking to about it. It weighed me down considerably. On top of that, aside from maybe one person, no one knew him anyway. I also "talked" to Amy for a few minutes. They are on vacation, and I know Arthur is really bummed. I had to ask Amy to give him a hug from me.

I finally was feeling closure on the move from the Snow House, and now....we wait for closure with Vince. When the MV bishop called Scott...my heart stopped, as I waited to hear the latest. I can only pray that the Lord comforts his parents and family.

ej

It's interesting how every person falls into a different category. Let me explain. We all fall under different categories of various personality types. According to Meyers-Briggs, I am classified as an INTJ. This means I like to have a system, and that I ask the question "Why not?" when others are still asking "Why?" People ask me why I found and engaged in a new hobby, and don' t understand why I "do what I do." I realize that I am not the most conventional thinker, or do-er in normal society, so I have to work hard not to give others too much of a hard time. I have a t-shirt that probably describes the way I think, pretty well.

"I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter."

This is very much the heart of all my troubles in relationships and the difficulties I face at work. I love my job. I enjoy what I do, and those I work with. Sometimes, the way others form "logical reasoning" on how to approach a project, really, really, really...yes one more, really frustrates me. In fact, this morning I was speaking with one of the partners at work and we were trying to come to an understanding on one of the technical drawings for a project we were working on. We went in circles on how to approach it, how we could have avoided it, how it could be handled in the future, etc. At one point of the conversation, he stopped and looked me in the eye and said, "We have completely different ways of thinking!" I nodded my head in agreement, then smiled.

He was absolutely right! I am a upper left brain thinker (way, way, way upper left), and he is more on the lower right (this is strictly my own evaluation). We clash as thinkers and in the way we like to get things done. I think he is inefficient and "scatter" brained, he thinks I'm too organized and analytical. I think that he would get more done by doing it, rather than talking about it in their daily sales meeting. That's just me! Sometimes, I struggle to remember that everyone thinks differently, and that it makes "sense" to them. I have a low tolerance for things that don't make sense to me. Something I am aware of and work on everyday.

Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. (cited from http://typelogic.com/intj.html )

If you're interested, take the online personality test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

ej

Hello, Land of the Unknown

Sometimes, I wonder why we blog??? For me, it is a way to write my thoughts and not care whether someone reads them or not. I do enjoy comments, but I enjoy writing for myself. Sometimes, what I write inspires me to want to be better. Seeing my feelings on the page makes me see clearly and without clouded emotion about things that are going on in my mind. When I read back upon what I have written I see pieces come together, or see how emotion kept my mind from seeing the solution, or the problem.

When I was younger, I used to write so many stories about faraway lands, or historical places that I wanted to visit, and the adventures I had while there. It seems that same type of imagination I had when I was a child has faded, but my desire to write has not. Hopefully, I will begin to write more often, and tap into the deep place in my mind and heart!

ej

Whew!

Here I am! After a long year of countless hours training, and studying, and doing my best to manage work, massage, karate, and time with friends, I have achieved my goal of earning and receiving my 1st Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. We began testing at 0900 and finished right around 1200. We were expected to complete a physical fitness test (2 mins push-ups, 2 mins sit-ups, and 1 mile run), as well as perform all the curriculum learned for the current cycle. I must say, the karate part was the easy part. I struggled on the run a little bit, but I finished. I had a rough time training last week as I had a migraine for 3 days straight, but I did my best to prepare regardless. There are a great group of people at my school, and they are all very supportive!

My Uncle Wes, Aunt Louise, and Aunt Miriam made it to my test! I was so pleased! Brooks came and picked Annette and I up for the test, and Melanie met us there. After the test was over, Tiffany, Derrick, and Anna had also showed up! It was so awesome! I have an amazing group of friends! They are my family away from home, so, I feel very blessed that I have so many people that care about me in my life. Heavenly Father has really put people in my life that have taught me about charity, and humility. Scott counseled me to choose a new ward by thinking about how I can help serve the people in it, rather than how they can serve me. It had a profound affect on me and I realized that going back to the Almaden III ward was where I was supposed to go, even though, I would rather go to a family ward. To quote President John F. Kennedy, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." Words to live by, whether it be for your neighbor, your workplace, church, or community.

Tiffany and Brooks both were able to attend the Gala on Saturday night, where I received my belt at a candle ceremony. I was so excited to have accomplished my goal. I set a goal to be black belt by the end of the year, and I achieved it! It was an incredible feeling. Now, on to the next goal! Great timing, as it is the end of the year, and time to reflect and start new goals for the new year! Oh, and for future reference, when you are tired and going to see a movie and have ice cream, watch the movie first, then have the ice cream. We fell asleep during the movie, so now we have to wait until it comes out on DVD to see it again. LOL! The funniest part of the whole affair, is that this is the second time I've gone to see it, and fell asleep the first time as well!

Church was great! I went to the Almaden II ward Relief Society with Nancy! She was like a proud mama when they asked about any good news to report or share! She told everyone that I received my black belt! I was a little embarrassed, but it was awesome! She is so cute!

erika j