Dream On

 There are a million things I "dream" about.

There are the dreams, some may call "delusions of grandeur" of standing on a stage in front of way too many people, who's faces I can't even make out; in the sea of people I can see the undulating waves of humanity moving in time with music blaring out of an extensive system of monitors, electrical wiring, and lights I couldn't even imagine sourcing with power and life, but it's me, all 5'8" and the perfect amount of soft lovable flesh luring the said mass of humanity closer and closer into a fevered frenzy.  Yeah, that's right!  It's me, center stage doing the ever so original fist pump into the air letting the crowd know that I hear their cries, and shouts of adoration, and perhaps, the occasional inappropriate, but always appreciated "oh hecks yes you're hot" to which I just smile and secretly add to the already obscene amount of tally marks on my imaginary "oh hecks yes you're hot" bedpost.  In case you haven't put it all together, I am a rock star.  One of exceptional skill, both on every single instrument in the "band" and serving up the most intensifying, soul stealing, dulcet tones of singing anyone who has ever had the privilege to hear.

Then there are the more realistic dreams.  The ones we dream when we are awake.  Dreaming with our eyes wide open and in the most beautiful and perfect moments, like on the patio in the early summer having breakfast and the feeling of the sunlight that's just starting to warm the day; you reach for your glass of orange juice and dream about building the new and improved deck equipped with a fire pit flush to ground level for a variety of entertainment and personal purposes; oh, the Dutch oven dinners that will follow and the thoughts of it make you salivate.  Yes, that is a dream that can become a reality and you chug down the rest of your orange juice just so that you can swallow hard and bring your lips to a smile without sending drool down the sides of your lips.  Or, those precious and few quiet moments sitting in your "sanctuary," the one place that very little can penetrate your thoughts and you can read Forbes, and the occasional Cooking Light, without constant interruption; it is there that most often you dream with your eyes open, usually when performing a courtesy flush, when in that final swooshing of the flush, something amazing hits you and it takes everything in you not jump up from the throne and jump for joy about the amazing revelation of pure awesomeness that has just entered your consciousness.  Those moments, by far, are my favorite and most dynamic of all.

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately.  Working on the plan for post graduation from school has occupied a good portion of my thoughts and research time.  The research is a bit extensive and relocation highly probable, but not certain.  Dreaming about teaching abroad for a year or two and building a school from the ground up lures me and drives me to do well in each class.  I do, however, catch myself dreaming with my eyes wide open about the things I dream about with my eyes wide shut, but I do my best not to get caught driving down the street and doing fist pumps and giving the “rock on” sign to fellow drivers, though, I have been known to give a preview performance now and again.  I usually receive decent reviews, and sometimes a laugh and shake of the head, but usually it’s accepted well, however, I don’t let that fool me into thinking I have a real shot!  No, I’m just grounded enough to know that winning one karaoke contest in a room full of drunks that voted me “Most Entertaining Performer” mostly due to the use of a mic stand with no mic attached, my single male dance partner, my three female back up dancers, oh, and maybe my edited version of Bell Biv Devoe’s “Do Me,” doesn’t make me Super Star material.  No, indeed, I know better.

Dream on, dream on.  Get lost in the moment and into the next.  I have found that I am driven by my dreams, both realistic and those slightly deluded with grandeur.  Both have helped drive me forward.  Will I be a rock star?  Most likely not, but I have learned to play a little guitar and have seen a marked improvement as the years have gone by.  I have even gotten pretty good playing the drums on Rock Band.  =)  Having dreams and daydreams has allowed me to accomplish so many things and to enjoy some of those quiet moments alone when almost overcome with antonymous emotions to joy and happiness.  Dreams have pulled me from dark places and reminded me about the little things in the many colorful threads that make up life’s tapestry.  From a distance a few threads “out of place” help create and marvelous and grand design.

I dream about being a rock star.  I dream about being a world class champion quarterback, even though I am a woman.  I dream about playing tennis someday with players like Pete Sampras and Roger Federer.  I dream about traveling to countries I have only read about in books.  I dream about childhood activities that I hope someday I can relive vicariously through future children.  I dream of becoming a mother of many children, all with super cool and hopefully uncommon names.  I dream of becoming a wife and mother they can cleave to, and come to after a long day at school or work.  I dream of becoming the kind of neighbor that is approachable, and can always be called upon for a cup of sugar, or a late night cup of Mexican hot cocoa, and if needed, served right up with a side of freshly baked and buttery bread, an available shoulder, and attentive ears.

Dream on.

It has been way too long...I am tired

I am tired, so I hope this all comes out right.  I guess I can always edit later.  Here it goes....

I am grateful....

I am grateful for Stay Sexy Thursdays.  When the week is pluggin' along and I start thinking my stock is plunging, there is always Stay Sexy Thursday to remind me that I'm awesome and that whether in sweats, puffy eyes, and a quart of ice cream, or in my sexy top the boys like, and those jeans that make my butt look grab-uh-liscious, I am sexy inside and out.

I am grateful for my job of ten years where I have gained more than just employment.  My "boss" is not only my supervisor, but my friend, confidant, father figure, and was sometimes also my bishop and spiritual adviser.  I am in a safe, happy workplace and you can't get paid enough to tempt me to go someplace else.

I am grateful for knowledge and a desire to gain more, and to seek to act in wisdom.  By the power of Greyskull (He-Man reference), I will someday be able to impart my knowledge to others while seeking higher education to become a teacher.

I am grateful for my talents that I am able to nurture, and share, and hone the skills necessary to perfect my talents for the benefit of helping others.

I am grateful for Love, in its various forms.  Love has the power to forge new life, to heal, to impart upon others, to be felt in one's soul in a way that can only be understood in those quiet, solitary moments; most importantly, love has the power to increase in capacity.  There is always room to love more than what we think we are capable.  I'm grateful for that unique and special trait of love.

ej