The Police

My friend Matt and I attended the Elvis Costello/The Police concert on Monday night. Matt is a huge Costello fan, and I was going for moral support. Man oh man!!! Sting (and the rest of the band - Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers) are amazing live! Sting's voice is so cotton picking good live, and Stewart Copeland is such an amazing percussionist/drummer. Andy Summers is great too, but I must admit, I'm a bit more partial to the drummer! HEH!

I was tired and still recovering from my weekend food poisoning experience, and I had a headache, and bad pain in the neck, literally, but halfway through the Police set, the meds kicked in and I was golden! They were a lot of fun to see live.

As far as my "wonderful" Saturday, it was a very full day. I played a set of tennis with David. We played very casually, and i lost 6-7(5). It was a lot of fun though. Afterwards, I went to lunch with my Visiting Teaching group and managed to eat something that made me very sick. By the time I got home, my head hurt, and my stomach was very unhappy. I still decided that I should go to tennis practice.

Upon arriving, I had considered the fact that I may be suffering from some mild food poisoning. I survived the experience, amid a few bathroom breaks, I played and had a "good" time. It was fun to meet Virginia (72 year old woman who plays very well), Shashi (really nice Indian lady in her late 30s), and Julie (also in her late 30s). We played for well over an hour, in fact, I have no idea how long, since I was puking my guts out half the time.

Tonight is tennis group, and I am very excited about it! We will have a new face among us, and I hope he likes it and decides to stay. He seems like a nice bloke, and having new people join us is always a lot of fun.

ej

A late night...

Well, Tia and Family are off for a three day vacation to Disneyland, and I have the place to myself. I am excited to enjoy their bed while they are gone, as I have not slept on a good old fashioned bed in a long time. I am looking forward to my five hour slumber in about five minutes from now.

Matt just left after doing a walk through of the house, since I am to be sleeping here alone, he wanted to make sure all was well and that the doors were actually locked. We don't usually lock doors around these parts, but since I am alone, we made sure everything was secured. Matt and I haven't really spent much time together since we had our little fall out, but we have spent a few evenings "hanging out" and they have been pretty superficial, until tonight.

He came up to me on Sunday after not hearing a peep from him for a few days, and wanted to "hang" so I made an effort to reciprocate. I have found, that being "normal" friends has been difficult for us to master at this point in time. Not sure if we are going to be able to normal friends, but we are making the effort. Tonight, we actually engaged in a meaningful conversation, and I found it to be quite refreshing to veer from our most recent set of social exchanges. We are still keeping a friend profile, for the most part, so that is good.

I find myself feeling resolved in where I want to be spiritually, emotionally, socially, and professionally.

I engaged in pleasant conversation with John today during the day, and despite the smashing of my driver side rear window, the day was somewhat spectacular in it's events. I got quite a bit of my work done, I have plenty to do tomorrow, and I went for an interview for a job where my wages would be $25 per hour, working as an independent contractor for a Chiropractic office (which I am planning on declining), played a set of tennis (and won), and had the wonderful opportunity to be at FHE for the spiritual thought, and destroy Matt in Farkel. It has been a fun and full day, so I hope that I can repeat this tomorrow, as I have another interview, tennis clinic, and then volleyball at Allendale building.

As I am falling asleep at the computer, I will bid you all farwell.

ej

Life in the Fast Lane

There are days that go by when I don't take the time to consider the lilies.

BBQ at Dr. Peel's

Disclaimer: I absolutely adore Dr. Peel. Any reference made to "nerd" or anything of that nature is meant to be endearing, and not offensive by any means! Thanks again Christian!

Don't let his name and title fool you! Not only is he a doctor of something so geeky and foreign to the average American, but he is also an avid climber of rocks, rider of bicycles, and participator of triathlons, and wait for it ladies...he is a single white male, who can bbq vegetables! Yes, that is right! I have attended two bbq's at the Dr. Peel's and both times have been blessed with the privilege of having bbq'd veggies. I must admit, the second, was a much greater improvement, though the company was a bit more, shall we say...interesting?

Quite coincidentally, both of the other men at the table, less Matt (my faux boyfriend/husband), were of the same mold as Dr. Peel. Engineer nerds, Hwon (sp???) from somewhere Asian, and Lars (clearly a German chick magnet - blech!). I have met Lars before, and both times I have left feeling like I need to wash my hands after shaking his. At any rate, the conversation scope was narrow, and their efforts to get to know others at the table, including Dr. Peel's lady invite, Jess, was feeble and superficial.

Of course, I was suffering from a migraine, so my desire to be absolutely charming and funny was out of the question. I am not going to lie, I was there for the food, although, I could have been happier with a good old fashioned hot dog, well done! Nevertheless, I was happy to be a supportive factor in the event. I can only imagine, but not too much, as not to escape from the reality of what might have really happened, had Matt and I not been there. I am not sure I would like to spend too much time with that crew, but I might say the highlight of the event was watching Jess soon over Dr. Peel and his efforts to be a good host.

You haven't seen anything until you see a girl of her caliber swoon for Dr. Peel. The outing was uneventful for the most part, but I liked the part where Matt and I got into the elevator after spending half an hour convincing Dr. Peel to take the girl out sometime, and Matt asks "Do you think they'd actually work out?" and I reply "Of course not, but at least it's a date!" and Matt replies, "Yeah, same here."

ej

Who drank my coke???

For the last week or so, I have been bringing two cokes home to put in the fridge. Matt and I like to enjoy a drink in the evening and many times, that means coke in a glass bottle. I noticed lately, that when I went to reach for a coke, there is a bottle missing. Finally, Tia says to me "So, you only buy cokes for you and Matt?" I told her that I did not realize others would be interested in a coke. Then she confessed that she is now addicted to coke in a glass bottle, and that it has been her that has been enjoying our coke behind our backs! So, I brought home five bottles the other day that we may all enjoy them, and wouldn't you know it! They were all gone in no time. There has to be a more cost effective way to drink coke in a glass bottle. It's five bucks for three bottles! That's a gallon of gas, plus a few drops more! =)

ej

Praying to the Porcelain Gods

I had such a bad headache on Saturday, that I went to bed praying for it to be over by the time I woke up. Unfortunately, I had the great honor of waking up and rushing to my knees before the porcelain gods. My head hurt so bad, that I was puking my guts out and tasting the previous night's dinner in a most unpleasant manner.



I was determined however, to attend Steven's farewell. I did so with a smile on my face, only to go home and pass out some more, in hopes of recovering. By Sunday evening, I was again puking my guts out to the porcelain gods. I even had to call in sick Monday morning for work. "Why oh why?"

ej

Mary had a little Lamb

so, a few years ago i discovered that at about 35mph, is a great speed for driving with a small glass bottle of sparkling cider out of your car window and it makes such a dulcet sound, as you can ever imagine! so i was showing matt this wonderful thing with a coke bottle and asked him, "wouldn't it be cool if you got about four people and played mary had a little lamb?? he agreed that it would be cool

so....friday night, i went to pick up Don with Jessie in the car we had to stop and get gas, and don suggested getting a drink (i also, had shared this wonderful thing with don on our way to 7 11 on one of our lunch dates). so, in a 3 part version of mary had a little lamb driving down 87 on a chilly night, played Mary Had a Little Freaking Lamb and it was so awesome! we found our pitches and went for it! my hand was so cold!

ej

Who ate my chankla???

"Who ate my Chankla???" by Erika J. Freeman

It was a perfectly warm afternoon as my roommate and I decided it was time to run to Long's for Huggies (for her two year old), and I was in desperate need of hair ties. Not sure how we are always in need of hair ties, but at any rate, I was in need. My other roommate, Evan, borrowed my car to go to Tracy (far away) to save on gas money, and failed to do two important things: one, put gas in my car before returning it well below the E, and two, to check the oil. I gave specific instructions on this, as my car is not as young as most and requires greater attention.

After finally figuring out that a quart of oil for $5 at the gas station is not the most cost effective way to put oil in your car, we finally made our way to Kragen's and Longs. Oh, did I mention that the mirror portion of my driver's side mirror fell of while Evan was driving to Tracy? True story! So, on our way home from the store we drove leisurely through our neighborhood, when something on the curb of a house caught my eye! Since I have been looking for a very specific type of bookshelf on craigslist, I was excited to see exactly what I wanted sitting on the curb. I walked up to the house and the gentleman I spoke to was happy to have me haul it away!

Haul away...hmmm...yes, how can we handle this??? Tia (six months pregnant) and myself (back still recovering) and my little Toyota....yes...posing a bit of a challenge. I suggest I walk it the quarter of a mile home, but decide my back may not like that so well, then decide on top of my car would work if we're careful. Tia suggests laying it across my open trunk! Great idea! Yes, we decide that will be the best choice! She drives, I follow behind the car holding the shelf steady. Who knew I could run a quarter of a mile in purple chanklas, black Rasta shorts, and a black t shirt in the middle of summer???

That's right, I chased my car home a quarter of a mile, laughing the whole way as people passed us by and took a good look at one skinny white girl driving a ghetto fabulous car, with a bookshelf hanging a foot over on each side, and a full figured white girl in chanklas (aka flip flops) running behind the car. Not only was I trying to keep up with Mrs. Leadfoot, but I also stepped into a pothole, for which she gave no warning, only to discover a huge chunk of my favorite pair of chanklas to be missing. Good thing my toe is safe and sound! My belly was sore from laughing so hard and I just barely started to break a sweat by the time we made it home! I earned that bookshelf!

Lesson learned: No matter the distance, don't forget to stretch after chasing your car down the street. =)

ej

Feeling Like a Woman

Friday night was pretty fun! I probably did way too much, but it was worth it. I worked a little later than usual, but still, Carrie and I managed to work in a manicure. I got a French and she got a regular. My nails were finally long enough to get them again. The last time I got a French Mani, I trimmed them a few hours later to play guitar with my friend, Mitchell. It was nice to sport them for a few days. The mani is not the reason for the title of this blog. I am all woman! Whether in my raggedy, faded from the chlorine Duke basketball shorts and baggy t-shirt, or my cute clothes and the cute shoes I sport when I feel like getting a tiny bit fancy. However, it is a great thing when a man notices something feminine in the room.

We were up in The City picking up my friend's paycheck late Friday night. He works for my other friend, Lance. We ended up hanging out on Lance's boat for awhile with his brother, Matt (aka Little Matt) as well. It was a good time, despite the fact that I was cold, tired, and feeling a little snappy with Little Matt. So, we sit in what would be comparable to a living room with three men, someone's bedding sprawled out on the sofa, lots of who knows what all over the floor and "coffee" table, pretty much what one would expect in a bachelor pad, where housekeeping is not a high priority. The question was even asked before I entered, "Is it clean enough for Erika?" Amidst all this, halfway through the evening, Lance turned to me and said, "You smell nice." I even gave him two opportunities to "smell" me and this recongnition of feminity in a room full of masculinity, certainly made my night! Not that it was going poorly, but it was a great reminder of the simple fact that I am a woman, and it was lovely to be admired as such.

ej

Tic Tac Toe

Tic Tac Toe

I just returned from my lunch break, and to my most pleasant surprise, Cameron is in Nancy’s office today. Cameron is seven, and is her grandson. He is a very spunky little boy and we always have such a good time! I walked in to talk to Nancy to see him kneeling against a white board drawing. He’s a fantastic artist for such a small boy, and I am always surprised at how creative he is.

Today, he and his grandpa, Oscar, were discussing Tic Tac Toe. Cameron has never played before and I had the great privilege of watching him learn. He is one of my favorite little ones, because he is way, way, way left handed, likes to jump of the walls (literally), loves Star Wars, and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. That is my kind of pal! We always enjoy spinning in circles until we both want to puke, or getting into other types of mischief. Today, however, I am merely and observer of how a small child learns to play an age-old classic game. Even Nancy got a shot at playing!

For some reason, watching them play today warmed more heart something fierce. It was so adorable, and it is probably more adorable, since I’ve been missing one of my usual friends I spend time with. I’m such a girl sometimes! HAHA!

ej

Lengthening my Stride

Last night, my friend Matt and I, attended a "social" at the San Jose Institute of Religion (That's a place where our church has a building set aside for members and non members alike to attend classes that teach about different parts of the gospel to increase one's understanding of the doctrine, while serving as a place where people can hang out in between classes). At any rate, following one of the classes on Wednesday, they have a group activity/team building exercise. It probably wasn't the highlight of the night, but whatever...

There were a few awkward moments, but the first was when Matt and I were shooting pool waiting for the class to be over when a girl we didn't know walked in and over to us and asked, "Are you on a date?" I quickly replied in the negative. I was shocked on two levels, the first being that she did not engage in any preliminaries, nor did she say, or ask anything else. Not that being on a date with Matt would be a bad thing, but why would he take me to the institute for a date??? He has a little more style than that! Secondly, he and I have been on a date a long time ago. It didn't go well.

However, that leads to a different, yet related train of thought. Since he and I have become friends, I would have no problem going on a date with him. He is a lot different than he was when he asked me out. He was fresh off a mission, still really socially awkward, and immature. He has grown by leaps and bounds since then, and I would hope that I have as well. So, the thought of giving it a second attempt doesn't make me want to puke. I'd be totally open to it, but I'm not hoping for it, but I'd be open. I say this, just to point out that a few years ago, the thought of hanging out with Matt wasn't very appealing. We were both in different phases of our lives and there was not even enough chemistry to have a friendship.

This can happen in different aspects of our lives. Sometimes, we are presented with certain opportunities and it doesn't appeal to us, but when the same situation is re-introduced later, we don't always give it a second chance. Sometimes, the time passed, the changes and growth we experience, make us more prepared, or more compatible with the situation. Here is a medical analogy: When I was a young child, I suffered from chronic migraines (this has not changed). However, I was given a medication called Fiornal to take when I was suffering with a more severe headache than OTC drugs could not alleviate. As a child, my body could not handle the affects, or accept the chemical change and my body responded poorly. It was insufferable! I was then prescribed something else. As my body changed, and I grew older, so did my chemical make up. The medication I took stopped working, and they suggested I give Fiornal another shot! In high school, on the verge of being home schooled due to high absences due to illness, I decided to go for it. It was amazing! I resisted for some time, because I had remembered what I had experienced the first time around, but it became an important part of my life. Sure, I was knocked out for two hours solid, but I woke up feeling like a million bucks!

I think about that when presented with something that I have already seen, or experienced. I ask myself, "Didn't I already try this? I know I didn't like it the first time, why would that be different this time?" But, like Fiornal, and green beans (I despised them as a child), church dances, FHE, hanging out with certain groups of people, I have found that sometimes, when time has passed and I have grown as a person, and especially when it comes to people, we change and progress all the time. Who's to say it may not be more to your liking later? Well, I guess in the case of the green beans, it's a deterioration of the taste buds that make them more palatable as an adult, but I think you get the point. So, I guess the point is ask yourself “why not?” and maybe you might find yourself stretching your legs a little more and lengthening that stride!

I am going to make a greater effort to do this in my social networking. It's got to be more than tolerance. Tolerance without at least a little benevolence is a vain effort indeed.

Going Bonkers

Keeping busy with official and unofficial activities in my life. Sometimes, I forget that I am human and am very capable having my feeling hurt. It doesn't happen often, and I steer clear of things that I might actually care about and I move along rolling my eyes about the crap I am forced to witness. I don't allow a lot of people into my inner circle. I know I take it to an extreme, but even my Twinner's I haven't let in on a lot. I can't do it. My current company demands this distance, and there is not one among them deserving of such a trusted and sacred part of me.

Today, as the last few days have been I have been in a position of what to some might be jaw-dropping experiences. But for me, I have to analyze it first and consider what has really come to pass. That way, I don't jump to conclusions. It finally hit me today that my feeling is hurt and I am not pleased about it. I am not angry, I am hurt. I'm hurt, however, on a few different levels, which make the hurt deeper. I hurt for the man I look to for so much guidance, as I see him faced with many troubles. I hurt for his family, and what they have gone through, especially his wife. I hurt to see him hide his concern for the economic welfare of his company and those that work for him. I hurt when sometimes his frustrations (even in his concern he is very even keel), are taken out on my by short comments that hurt me to my core.

I rarely cry. I don't cry at funerals. I don't cry when I watch stupid chick flicks that most women require and entire box of facial tissue. I can watch Schindler's List a million times and not shed one single tear. I have read books about what the Jews had to endure while in the various extermination camps, where, in great detail, the experiments, and method of mass execution is described, and still...no tears. However, today, I felt the desire to cry. I didn't cry, but I actually thought I might. All because of one word..."whatever." It wasn't the word itself, but the tone, and intent, and from whom the word was spoken. It hurt me. That's it.

ej

Jam Session...well...sorta...

After over 11 years, I played the trombone last night. I only played for one section of a piece, but dang, I sounded pretty darn good! LOL! I played trumpet the rest of the time, as my friend, Jessie, brought her trombone and has played more recently than I. We were fortunate that have been able to get some of it on audio/video. We even switched instruments at one point and that was a hoot too!

Later, we will work up to a more complicated piece. We have arrangments for Glen Miller's "In the Mood" and Chicago's "25 or 6 to 4." Those are some fun jazzy songs that will be good fun when we get back into the swing of things. We had some good laughs last night!

Aw we were waiting for the rice to cook, and our lips were buzzing from our earlier efforts of playing, we read Act 1 Scene 1 of Romeo and Juliet. While the hamburger concoction was heating up, we summarized what we had read, and put it into terms we felt our contemporaries would understand. It was terribly funny! Carrie, I can't wait for you to come out to California and join in the fun!

ej

rain rain go away

it's raining today
pouring cats and dogs
i remember the old days
sittin' in school
with nothin' to do
the teacher's callin' my name
i'd rather go outside to play

but we're...
playin' heads up 7 up
eating lunch at our desks
hopin' that the sun comes out
and dries up all the rain
i'm thinkin' 'bout hop scotch
pencil breakn' n' double dutch
oh please
rain rain go away

it's time for that spelling test
i didn't even practice yet
spent all morning lookin' outside
tryin' to make the sun shine bright
little prayers with a little beggin'
hoping that the rain lets up
and cancels all our tests
but instead...

rain rain go away
come back some other day
i'm tired of
heads up 7 up
eating lunches at my desk
wantin' to play hop scotch
pencil break and double dutch
oh,
rain rain some other day

ej

Feeling Old

I spent my thanksgiving playing football for nearly 4 hours straight, then rushed home to cook and shower before dinner. By the time dinner was through and the pies came out, I was already going home. I was so tired, especially since I'd been up since 4 a.m. (my regular time on weekdays). I had agreed to playing basketball Friday morning with the boys. So, we played for almost three hours. I was already sore from football the day before, and even though I work out faithfully, I was still exhausted. Pushing the accelerator on my way home was an effort. I attmepted to practice a few songs on the drums, but my legs were so tired, that it hurt to use the bass pedal. I spent the rest of afternoon getting things done around the apartment with a great effort. Saturday, I spent with my friend Amy and crew. She was moving into her new apartment. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. The only thing, is somehow I tweaked my back and it has not been the same since. Certainly, I am aware that it is probably my fault, as I have continued to go to the gym, and work for the Jensen's doing labor intensive tasks. But, I need the money to pay rent, so I we do what we gotta do. Take 600mg of Motrin and off you go! I've decided however, that when I am recovered and someday have a home of my own, I will have a backyard area that has a pile of dirt. Each day, I am going to go out and move the pile of dirt from one place to another for exercise. It is a full body experience, and imagine how strong you would get if you did that once a day, everyday, Sunday excluded? Yeah, that'd be fun!

ej

Driving in my car...

Driving in my car is always an experience. I have a 1986 Toyota Camry and it is the most fun car I've ever owned! The motor hums quietly, and when I am idling at a red light, the only sound other than the motor, is the soft "tick...tick...tick..." of the small clock in my dashboard control panel. I enjoy all the small details of my car that gives it character and most especially the interior. The vinyl interior of my roof is cracked in such a way, that it makes me think that Spiderman and bricklayers came together to create the fun, intricate design that exists in my car. The cloth interior is a light blue, mostly faded from years in the sun, and my exterior paint job leads me to question the original color of the car, but I am happy to call it blue, but I'm not sure. My car stereo has a little erractic at times, and at any given moment, all the speakers may decide to work simultaneously! I get excellent gas mileage and displayed above my rear window break light, I display proudly in white lettering, "TAPOUT" (this matching my favorite fighting T-shirt). I'm finding that it's taken longer than I had realized, to adjust to the manual windows, thus giving "power" windows, a whole new meaning to me. If anything, I have "power" windows, as it is because of my brute strength that I am able to operate the driver side window! It has been such a joy to drive this car, and I look forward to many adventures to come.

ej

Perambulating after Christmas in the Park

There's a calming effect I experience when I walk under an overpass. There is a pinging in my ears as the sound of the cars "whooshing" by bounces back and forth against the concrete pillars stimulating my senses. Even in an instant of seemingly chaotic stimuli a person can get lost in the moment All my senses are heightened as I take each step, and my head is down as I read the words of Mark Twain in "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer." I am focused on the story in my hands, but aware of the step I'm in and the steps to come. The cracks in the concrete remind me of the childhood game to be played alone or with others. "Don't step on a crack, or you'll break your mother's back!" we would declare one to the other. As I think this reading of Tom's excellent adventure in whitewashing Aunt Polly's fence, and simultaneously take an extended stride to avoid a crack. I resist the temptation to stop a moment and take a moment to climb the concrete that ascends toward the ceiling of the overpass to read a few moments and enjoy the waves of sounds under the bridge of concrete. It calls to me but I politely decline the invitation and trudge along. The browned leaves rustle beneath my feet as I step back into the sunlight. A welcomed warming to my chilled cheeks and inviting me to play some more. Again, I do not check my pace and continue along the paved walkway. It's a cool winter day with a bright encouraging sun. Today I am simply determined not to be engaged in spirited follies of the usual nature, but to enjoy an early morning perambulation of a reserved nature and to stimulate my creative eye by the leisurely reading of a fine piece of American literature.

ej

Dying Young

i always believed i would die young
i had dreams that would lead me
guiding my life to lay me to rest
in a grave of rocks and stubble
i don't know why i had visions, gray
but the coolness of the stones
against my face, unmoved by my cold flesh
no blood was shewn and no tears poured
my corpse lay quiet, breathless, souless
never questioning or beckoning for reason
still, beneath the smooth rock i rest
never again to speak a word of distress

jjf

A Starry Dream

Last night, I dreamt of a world where the stars and the heavens were so close I could reach above my head and touch them. I felt the soft touch of the clouds against my cheek as I took a nap in the sky, with the sun smiling ever so gently above me. When I arose and saw the stars, I picked one out of the sky and tossed it in the air. I looked around for a friend, because I wanted to play. As soon as I thought it, I could see Johnny waving hello! So, I took the star in my hand and threw it towards him with all my might! He jumped effortlessly in the air and caught it with a smile. We tossed it back and forth until we fell lazily upon a cloud, and I drifted off to sleep, just as my eyes opened and it was morning.

ej

Eternal Inferno

I am reaching beyond my ken
clawing through a tenebrous chasm
i close my eyes to see the light
as the ululating winds dull my mind
the trembling of my finger tips
my fluttering sand filled eyelids
and quivering frigid chaffed lips
the light that never appears
scorns my soul with eternal inferno
burning my core without blister
leaving it's impression that not one
no not one will see or feel

jjf

“Everyone is replaceable”

I had a Mentor that taught me that every person is important in the world. He educated those that would listen by using parables that would be familiar to the students, that they might grasp more complex concepts. Throughout our lives, we gain knowledge from our mentors, whether they are direct or indirect lessons. Their examples leave a lasting impression in our minds and help shape the person we choose to become.

Now, I have been in sales for many years. Most of my sales experience comes from trial and error. When I was eight years old, I got involved with a sales club, which allowed me to “run my own business.” I managed my own schedule, managed all monies, kept a sales log, created a client database, created sales zones, and kept record of zone rotations. I did this all the way through my second year of high school. I made two dollars per item I sold, and I was able to save money for items that I wanted that my parents were unable to provide for me. In high school, I was highest earner for candy sales for my tennis team, simply because I knew how to get results with a minimal amount of effort. The “work smarter, not harder,” concept was in effect. I learned that doing the simple things: smiling, making eye contact, being genuine, exuding confidence, etc., will make all the difference in a sale.

We can also learn under those, who may or may not teach, correct principles. I believe we have the choice to take the best of what they offer, and leave the rest on the table. I have attended sales training seminars as an adult, and they continue to press the importance of those before mentioned key elements. You also have to know what you’re trying to sell. The reason I bring up my experience in sales is because I once had a mentor that said to our group, “Everyone is replaceable.” We all nodded our heads in agreement, but even as I did so, I began to consider what he was really saying. Yes, I agree that in the corporate world, where companies are huge and have hundreds of guys that can all do the same thing, they can be replaced. My mentor was a small business owner, and in order for him to keep his business running well and thriving with new clientele, he had to sell himself. He was a teacher, mentor, and role model for children, teenagers, and adults alike. What made his business special…was his special ability to teach a class in a style that was all his own. Those that participated or watched his class, could feed off his energy and be excited, and leave wanting more. When he decided that he wanted to expand, he trained any Dick, or Harry, or Chimp to try and take his place. There were a few of us that believed in the betterment of the program, and that you could take a simple hobby, and turn it into something exceptional that you could share with others. When a business is built upon one specific person and not one person who has been trained, or possesses the skills or traits to follow in the same footsteps, it can only lead where his business ran…into the ground.

How could he say, “everyone is replaceable?” It doesn’t make sense to me. Each person possesses unique skills, and talents. If you have a staff that is not well rounded, or functioning as one unit, you cannot expect positive results. What he left behind, was a legacy. A legacy that began when we were all sold on the roots of what was already believed in so deeply. Honor. Respect. Perseverance. Integrity. I believe he missed some very important lessons during his experience as a teacher, mentor, and businessman. In a small family owned business, I would think each person is important to making the business run well, especially, one that is based on the appeal of one specific person. If he had built his business selling the program, rather than just himself, there could have been a more realistic expectation from his staff when he up and left without letting his people know. Everyone is replaceable??? Give me a break. Not everything in this world has to be so cold hearted, and “it’s business, baby, only business!”

ej

Never Alone

he was a boy without a home
sweet and tender as he could be
he ran and played without a care
he knew someday he'd have a family too

he'd been down and out and left alone
he knew times were tough but he was too
he believed in God and the Holy ghost
so he would never feel alone

in his soul, his faith ran deep
never complained when the climb was steep
he believed in good no matter the cost
he prayed for those who might be lost
even though he didn't have as much
he knew he would always have His love

they walked into the room of 50 kids
playing games, singing songs
they'd tried so long to have their own
today they were blessed to take one home
every child was smiling sweet
some were afraid, heads down low
they met his gaze and knew he was the one
they had been looking for all along

he was sweet and tender as he could be
ran and played without a care
in his soul, his faith ran deep
he would never feel lonely
he finally had a family

ej

winter

my favourite time of year is winter
everything but time, hibernates
even the leaves turn and fall to rest
to be taken by cold winds blown
with ease and effort, they soar

pursuing the temptation of icy days
Mother stays her course
and the Sun leans gentler still
to join the timeless season
the Moon appears each evening
reminding us to stoke the fire
and tuck our young ones well
for bitter is the Frost at night

Winter is my favourite season,
Late night conversations over,
steamy frothy cups of hot chocolate
enjoying moments when,
you can almost hear time stand still

ej

Who's on deck?

i've got lemon drops in my pocket
and big chew in my glove
i'm heading for the school yard
to meet my friends and play
it's saturday and we've got time
to finish chores early and say,

"the kitchen's clean, the floor is too!
my bed's made, room's picked up
i'll take out the trash, and then
i'll be back this afternoon!
if you need me i'll be at the school
see you soon!"

we're down one player, but that's okay
i'll be pitching for both teams
i'd rather have it that way
always in the action, never stopping
never missing a moment
always looking for the chance to say,

"hey good try, maybe next time!
you don't have to cry!
we've all been there once or twice
batter up, who's on deck?
let's keep playing before it's late
and we have to go back home.
batter up, who's next? let's play!"

ej

Unbreakable Oars

she spends the day, walking in the sand
taking time to ponder about her life
her mother has the kids this week
giving her time she needs to think
he was out of her life without warning
leaving the family in pain and mourning
she knows it wasn't his fault he left
or that God has chosen her to torment
there is a plan for her and she decides
to move ahead with all her might

she's been lonely before
but knows she is loved
her children her parents
and the Lord above

as she stands at the edge of the sea
the tears fall from her face lovingly
she knows she will see her love again
and will be with him in eternity
she thanks her God for his love
and knows her prayer is enough

she will not wait on the sandy shores
she will face the wind and sail on
tho when the wind fades and all seems lost
she'll row with courage, unbreakable oars

ej

I want a black eye!

I am unfulfilled! I used to be Ninja, and now I am not. I have spent a lot of money to train in martial arts at a particular school, and I am malcontented with my current level of conditioning and training. When I returned to the school of choice, I was excited and on fire about where I wanted to be. I wanted to earn my 2nd Degree black belt, and I wanted to be ninja gain so I could compete and get back into the shape I was. I used to be able to do pushups on my feet for days, and do leg lifts and flutter kicks for as long as they wanted me to. I could kick a man standing 6’4" square on the side of his face standing toe to toe with him. It was a great feeling to have that sort of flexibility and stamina. I loved to fight on the ground and wrap it up with the boys, but now, there are only two people to fight and not enough energy to even do that! Kelly and I started back with high energy and enthusiasm, only to be shot down by one of the instructors, who treated us very poorly, and without equality, as we were expecting special treatment. He toned down our energy level, by reprimanding us on our intensity level. Why would a person do that? When his students were benefiting from the increased level of excitement in the classroom, and wanted to get on the train?

Kelly and I talked last night, and she was feeling the same way! So, we decided we don’t need their school to be ninja, and are going to turn her garage into our own little dojo and train like we used to! Before Mr. Ekholm was Master Ekholm, and they made us wear way too much protective gear! When we would go full contact and get sore faces and noses, and injured, and that was okay, because we were mean, lean fighting machines! We remember how we used to train, and literally blood, sweat, tears, and lots of puking, because we pushed it to the limit!
Now, everyone has to be nice, so that everyone feels good. You’re gonna struggle, it’s part of life, it’s part of martial arts. You are not always gonna pass the test, and that’s just how it goes. You have to suck it up and take the test again! We received a no change and it made us work so much harder. To not have passed the test, really brought us together! We trained together, we tested together, and we failed together. There was no one person passing on his or her own, we had to do it together. I miss those days, but I take from those experiences all the knowledge and skill and work out with my ninja, Kelly and whoever else wants to join us. I can always pick another style, or school.

I just want to fight and learn and get into shape doing it. Most importantly, I want to have fun!

ej

Love Thy Neighbor

i saw my father cry once
when i was six years old
he told me "some people died today"
he was praying on his knees
praying that their families
and loved ones would alright
though i didn't understand it then
i know now that it's true

we have to love one another
even if they may be a stranger
my father taught me that way
to praise God and live for today
He told us to love our neighbor
even as we love our Savior
pray for love for others

i still believe the words
my father spoke that day
even though we don't talk
like we used to do
he taught me good things too
and the rest we just let go

I saw my father cry again
I actually felt something this time
It was different than before
But tears began to fill my eyes
I blinked them away
And thought about when I was six
The people he prayed for
This time it wasn’t someone else’s mother
It was his and he sang to honor her

ej

I don't like to watch the Tele

i don’t like to watch the tele,
especially the news.
i'd rather play football then
watch it monday night.

i like a good film now and again,
mostly for background noise.
there are times i feel so lazy,
i can hardly move a muscle.
there are days i cannot be stopped,
when i decide to go.

i get so tired at the end of a day,
my eyes will cross, my toes cry out
"stop! and let me be!"
my heart beats loudly in my ears,
like quasimodo found
a new home

i don't like to sit around and stare
my walls are white and plain
but that is not what bothers me
i like them white it looks so clean
it's sitting, wondering

"how else will i fill my time?"
i don't need people every moment
of my dayin fact i'd rather shoot
my right toe,
with a gun and buck shot
blow it clean away

i only do what i must
because i know it's right
however
without my right toe
i'd be watching football
every monday night

ej

Escaping

i spent so many hours searching
praying for a way of escaping
in a quiet, hidden prison i laid dreamless
asking "why i'd been so shameless?"
i had a fear of someone knowing
or seeing me not glowing
he told me it was all he needed
but it was me, he mistreated
escaping the darkness
running from the fear
even in the daylight
I can’t hold back the tears
I blamed myself at the start
and my world was torn apart
in a world where truth so easily hides
i hugged my knees singing lullabies
i was taught to smile no matter what
so i wiped away my tears
stood up on my own two feet
despite all my fears

jjf

Society Says

society says, "dress like this,
don't say that!"
but really no one is truly happy
either way we move along
being what we think we should
too afraid to be just who we ought
to, be who we really are
why do we choose acceptance
no matter what the cost?
is it me? is it who,
you think me to be?
do i wake up happy to know
that i am me and it's enoug
hand that is what He loves?
we all want to be happy
but who really is?
i am happy when i'm me
with no disguise to hide
let my fears show you
who i am inside
i don't need to be afraid
i just need you to see
that who I am inside
should be enough, you see?

ej

Solitude (Silly)

i sit in solitude
as i relieve my waters
some say i'm crude
'cause i eat alligators
i like to drink coke
i know a guy who smokes
i eat 'cause it's there
i don't brush my hair
if i could do one thing,
just one thing!
i'd grab a man's "HOO HAW"
just to make him sing!

ej

too much oatmeal

i ate too much oatmeal today
tho it could've been the soy
i drank orange soda icy cold
made my tongue turn orange
the corn dog and the boiled eggs
went straight to my thighs
who counts the calories? not i

i'm too many pounds and happy
what does the doctor say?
you eat too much,
or you too little
what is a girl to do?

ej

Wild as the Wind

she turned three today
her daddy's late again
he's been working overtime
says times are tough
it's what he has to do
i remember the days
when,


we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
he took me far above
the moon and stars
i thought it would never end
we were young and in love
and wild as the wind


wondering now if we can
still make things right
i look at my baby girl and smile
she's what helps me see the light
when it's dark outside
and the bed is cold and lonely
unlike when,


we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
late summer nights dancing
holding each other close
not afraid of what tomorrow
or the world might bring
we were young and in love
and wild as the wind

he gets home late, doesn’t say a word
never says "i love you"
or holds me like before
he's the man i see when i dream
i wish he would take me to the days
when,

we were young and in love
and wild as the wind
driving with the top down
carefree and smiling
we sped through town

jjf

Tumbling Teddies

WHEN EYES ARE HEAVY AT SLEEPY TIME
AND WARM NIGHTS, HAVE TURNED COLD
OF DISTANT WORLDS SUBLIME
YOUR DREAM FILLED SLEEP UNFOLDS
WITH HER HAND THAT IS STEADY
AND A HEART FULL OF LOVE
SHIELDED BY HER WINGS LIKE A DOVE
SHE HOLDS YOU, HER TUMBLING TEDDY

ej

Come Home Daddy

No light of day just dark of night
How the wind howls and gives me fright
I wait beside my daddy’s chair
Holding fast with Teddy Bear
mommy says turn out the light
I shiver with cold in candlelight
"hold me close, and hold me near"
I say to mommy with a tear
"hush now sweetheart, time to sleep.
daddy’s close now, no need to weep."
I close my eyes and drift away
I hope that daddy comes home today

ej

April Showers Bring May Flowers

March is the beginning of a new season
When the snow begins to melt away all reason
The sun shines brightly and invites all
Those who accept, dare to take the fall
To live and to learn, is what shapes us
To forgive and forget, in this we Trust
Even when raindrops fall from the sky
Soar to new heights, with wings we fly
Even at times when we shed sad Tears
Like flowers that survive long winters
We remember that April showers,
Always bring May Flowers

ej

Smelly Shoes

I have a pair of shoes that I enjoy wearing. They are the kind of shoes that will go with nearly everything I wear. Normally, when I don't know which pair will go with what outfit, my default choice is my black ballet shoes. They are universal and comfortable. It's like walking barefoot...but not. I can wear them with a cute pair of jeans, or with a stylish pair of pedal pushers and cute top, or I can wear them with my Sunday skirt and blouse!
There is one slight problem...my feet make them smell! It's horrible! Okay, so I purchased them at Payless, but does the sweat from my feet have to give them such redolence? Do inexpensive shoes have to have this common problem? The shoes I love to wear because they allow me to feel like a delicate princess walking down the corridor of her castle. I love to point my toes like a ballerina while I wait for the elevator! It makes me smile and feel giddy inside, like a little girl might feel as she waits for her turn to go onstage for her first dance recital!
However, there is the repulsive odor I mentioned earlier. Imagine this: A very good looking man (who smells amazing by the way) picks you up for dinner and after you invite him in and finish the small talk, you finally decide to leave. On your way out the door, you pick the shoes for the evening by thinking to yourself "black ballet shoes, please." You make your way to the truck feeling the excitement of the moment. You remember how wonderful he smelled as he hugged you during that happy salutation only a few minutes before. Then, as you are enjoying your dinner you think about doing "the girl thing." Ladies, you know what I'm talking about; kicking off your shoes under the table and feeling comfortable. However, as I consider doing this and get one shoe partly off I remember the repugnant odor as it makes it's way up to my nostril hairs! "OH NO!" I think to myself, but it's too late! I sit and wonder if he'll notice, and if he does, will he know it's me??? We get back to my apartment and hug good-bye and again, he envelops you in an extended embrace, and even though you are not planning on pursuing him romantically, you smile slightly and close your eyes and breath him in. You love him because he is your friend and has been for years, but hope that even though he loves you too, he doesn't pass out from the malodorous, but super cute shoes you've chosen to wear.

ej

Turned it down

I guess I considered it too late, but there was a coaching position available at one of the local high schools and I inquired after the position was filled. It was coaching the Girl's Basketball team and I was excited to even go after it. Next year, perhaps I can look into it a little sooner maybe. I was contacted by a gentleman for coaching a middle school boys lacrosse team, and it sounded really great. However, I had to turn down the opportunity because the games were on Saturday and/or Sundays. I told him that Sundays were not good for me, because I don't work on Sundays. He still wanted to move forward, but I couldn't do it. There would be too much temptation to work just one sunday...then I would be going against my rule, so I said "no." There will be other opportunities, maybe not this year, but there will be others!

I have been writing a little bit lately, but haven't been able to work on any melody. That's been really frustrating, as the melody is what will bring it all together. Even if I just threw some chords together on the guitar it would work. We'll see!

ej

I don't like to watch the Tele

i don't like to watch the tele,
especially the news.
i'd rather play football then
watch it monday night.

i like a good film now and again,
mostly for background noise.
there are times i feel so lazy,
i can hardly move a muscle.

there are days i cannot be stopped,
when i decide to go.
i get so tired at the end of a day,
my eyes will cross, my toes cry out
"stop! and let me be!"

my heart beats loudly in my ears,
like quasimodo found a new home
i don't like to sit around and stare
my walls are white and plain

but that is not what bothers me
i like them white it looks so clean
it's sitting, wondering
"how else will i fill my time?"

i don't need people every moment of my day
in fact i'd rather shoot my toe,
with a gun and buck shot
blow it clean away

i only do what i must
because i know it's right
however
without my right toe
i'd be watching football
every monday night

ej

Making some changes

I'm always busy. If there is one thing people know about me...I'm always busy. Lately, I feel the need to take it down a notch. For years, people tell me I do too much. I think others, do too little. We have so much time in the day, where do we spend it? However, as of late, I have been so exhausted, that can't be a good thing. Tired is one thing, but exhausted? That's a whole other story! So, I am preparing to take the necessary steps to change what I am doing.

I want to make a list of things I want to focus on for the next month. I figure if I take it one month at a time, I will get all the things I want to get done...done! It's hard deciding what to cut out of the schedule...so many fun and worthwhile activities to choose from. We'll see how it goes!

ej

Plans for Labor Day

Sigh...I am going to be traveling this weekend. Not one of my favorite things to do, well, I guess it's not that I don't like to travel, but traveling in a car with a bunch of people I'd rather not be around is not high on my list of things to do. I am doing my best to be excited about the weekend, and not get too bummed about the drive. It's gonna be great, but I am working on being prepared for the car experience. By the end of the weekend, I will have spent an entire day driving with people that drive me absolutely bananas! I'm charging the Ipod, buying a cheap Discman and plenty of batteries! I am even preparing many different CD mixes. Holy smokes! I wish I had my portable DVD player still! For the first time in a year or so, I am missing that little guy. It's gonna be great....it's gonna be great! {deep breath} It's gonna be great!

ej

Full Week

My weekend started last Thursday afternoon and didn't stop until I arrived at work Tuesday morning. I requested a day off about a month ago, as I was in dire need of a "chill day." I was able to work out a deal with my friends, Jamie and Mike, and they went on a day date so that I could baby-sit their 1 year old baby girl, Riley! It was so much fun! Ever since she started walking, we have been able to play so many more games. I love kids!

Friday night we went to Rib Night in Los Gatos, and per usual, they were excellent. I didn't have any ribs, but everyone else enjoyed them. We had four "rookies" in our group this month and they all finished their ribs off with ease. There was a lot of excitement at rib night, as Heather won two of the raffle prizes, but allowed me to take a break from rubbing shoulders to collect one of the prizes. She won a camping chair and a set of pasta bowls. She donated the pasta bowls to my new apartment and me! So sweet of her! Now the greatest moment of the evening was the 50/50 raffle. In case you don't know what that is I will give a brief explanation. People buy a number of tickets, and after the money is collected, 50% goes to the Lodge for whatever "lodge improvement" project they are needing, and 50% goes to the ticket holder! I decided that after 7 years of attending rib night, I could spare ten bucks to help them make some renovations. Just before he read the winning ticket number aloud, I shouted out to my buddy on the stage, "Oh, oh! Mama needs a new car! Oh, yeah!" As he read the final digit of the winning ticket I shouted in disbelief, "Shut up!" Everyone, including my friends at the table started laughing at me! Dude! I totally won $125!!! It was so great! Of course, I put on a little show by doing a little victory dance as I collected my winnings. Even now, I am in a little bit of disbelief.

After Rib Night, Dave, Heather, and I (after much deliberation), decided to meet up with some people for karaoke at the Almaden Lounge. The bar scene is not really my cup of tea, but we went at any rate. Dave was being a baby about the whole thing, which kind of worked out well for me. I didn't really want to be there long, but was making the best of it. He finally gave me the "look" and I knew we were on our way out! Woo hoo! I knew he wanted to go see the new Harry Potter. He had made such a fuss about it earlier in the evening, so when he said, "I wonder if I could catch a midnight showing of Harry Potter? I'll watch it by myself!" I knew he was gonna go see it, and of course I said I'd go with him. He's such a baby sometimes! It was 2345 when he said that and we called around and found a midnight and midnight-thirty showing in Santa Clara. Of course, with his lead foot, we made it to the midnight showing and even were able to enjoy a few previews. I didn't get home until nearly 0300 and I was wiped out.

Saturday was extremely busy. I cooked an Indian dish for the Box Lunch activity for church, but ran late because of a few technical issues, one being the misplacement of my keys. I ended up going and having a chill time with the people that attended. Most of the day I kept busy doing things around the apartment and can't remember what I did in the evening, which means it obviously wasn't very memorable.

I love living in my apartment! It's been so great having my own place, have I already said that? I have been enjoying going through boxes and finding these I haven't seen in a few years! I have been spending a fair amount of time purging all the excess "junk" I have accumulated over the past few moves. When the moves are rushed, I find that I acquire much more junk than if I had packed systematically. This whole week has been a week of getting things done around the new homestead.

On Tuesday, my friend Michelle came by to help me come up with a new floor plan. I'm pretty left-brained and I wanted to have a little more style in my place, so I called in the Calvary. It's a little abstract, but I like it. I wouldn't have come up with that kind of layout (again, really left-brained), but it's going to work for now. I need to make or buy a beanbag chair or something like that. OOHHH! If those silly "Love Sacks" were less expensive, that would be a lovely addition to the studio apartment life. I think apartment complexes that feature Studio apartment living, should include a "Love Sack" in each dwelling. That way, each person when they move in gets to have one! Heh! Oh yeah!

Okay, back to reality...things are coming along. I finally got my bookshelf out of storage, but not my books. Until my VHS are gone, I don't have room for more books at the moment. I have half a dozen big boxes in storage, and not sure what I'm going to do with them. I will have to make a goal of one box a week to sort through until things are all resolved. I think my favorite part of living alone is that I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. I know the bills will get paid on time, and I don't have to wait on someone else to cover their share of the rent, or the utilities. It makes it so much easier to depend on someone dependable...me! Amy and Arthur are loaning me their kitchen table and chairs and will be bringing it by today! I've been eating over the sink, or at my desk, so it will be nice to be able to sit at a table. When I have guests over for dinner, they can sit on actual chairs and eat at a table, instead of covering my ottoman with a sheet and calling it a table.

The week has been very full. Between seeing my family on Monday, very interesting and intense classes at karate, friends coming over to help me in my decorating/organizing efforts, and boys working hard to complicate things in my life, I've realized many great blessings that fill my life currently. I am so grateful that I am able to recognize them and to be able to express my appreciation for them. I would not want to take too much for granted, especially, since I am really proficient at going 100 mph and forgetting to let people in my life know I appreciate them. I love my family and friends! They are important to me!

ej

Closure...

You know, I've been moving for the last three weeks. It was probably one of the most difficult moves for me (and I've moved a lot). However, with all that was difficult, the sliver lining here, is the fact that I have my own place. No roommates. This is an exciting time for me, as far as living arrangements go. Right now, the unpacking is kicking my butt and having to downsize to accommodate my small but mighty studio has been brutal. I love that I have my own place, but I'm still so tired from the past few weeks.

Yesterday, was the first time I was able to talk to anyone about Vince going missing. I talked to Kelly, because she was the only one I felt comfortable talking to. It was tough, because when I first found out he was missing, I wasn't ready to talk about it, and then when I felt I needed to talk, we were at the beach for FHE with my ward, and I don't know anyone in my ward that I would feel comfortable talking to about it. It weighed me down considerably. On top of that, aside from maybe one person, no one knew him anyway. I also "talked" to Amy for a few minutes. They are on vacation, and I know Arthur is really bummed. I had to ask Amy to give him a hug from me.

I finally was feeling closure on the move from the Snow House, and now....we wait for closure with Vince. When the MV bishop called Scott...my heart stopped, as I waited to hear the latest. I can only pray that the Lord comforts his parents and family.

ej

It's interesting how every person falls into a different category. Let me explain. We all fall under different categories of various personality types. According to Meyers-Briggs, I am classified as an INTJ. This means I like to have a system, and that I ask the question "Why not?" when others are still asking "Why?" People ask me why I found and engaged in a new hobby, and don' t understand why I "do what I do." I realize that I am not the most conventional thinker, or do-er in normal society, so I have to work hard not to give others too much of a hard time. I have a t-shirt that probably describes the way I think, pretty well.

"I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter."

This is very much the heart of all my troubles in relationships and the difficulties I face at work. I love my job. I enjoy what I do, and those I work with. Sometimes, the way others form "logical reasoning" on how to approach a project, really, really, really...yes one more, really frustrates me. In fact, this morning I was speaking with one of the partners at work and we were trying to come to an understanding on one of the technical drawings for a project we were working on. We went in circles on how to approach it, how we could have avoided it, how it could be handled in the future, etc. At one point of the conversation, he stopped and looked me in the eye and said, "We have completely different ways of thinking!" I nodded my head in agreement, then smiled.

He was absolutely right! I am a upper left brain thinker (way, way, way upper left), and he is more on the lower right (this is strictly my own evaluation). We clash as thinkers and in the way we like to get things done. I think he is inefficient and "scatter" brained, he thinks I'm too organized and analytical. I think that he would get more done by doing it, rather than talking about it in their daily sales meeting. That's just me! Sometimes, I struggle to remember that everyone thinks differently, and that it makes "sense" to them. I have a low tolerance for things that don't make sense to me. Something I am aware of and work on everyday.

Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. (cited from http://typelogic.com/intj.html )

If you're interested, take the online personality test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

ej

Hello, Land of the Unknown

Sometimes, I wonder why we blog??? For me, it is a way to write my thoughts and not care whether someone reads them or not. I do enjoy comments, but I enjoy writing for myself. Sometimes, what I write inspires me to want to be better. Seeing my feelings on the page makes me see clearly and without clouded emotion about things that are going on in my mind. When I read back upon what I have written I see pieces come together, or see how emotion kept my mind from seeing the solution, or the problem.

When I was younger, I used to write so many stories about faraway lands, or historical places that I wanted to visit, and the adventures I had while there. It seems that same type of imagination I had when I was a child has faded, but my desire to write has not. Hopefully, I will begin to write more often, and tap into the deep place in my mind and heart!

ej

Whew!

Here I am! After a long year of countless hours training, and studying, and doing my best to manage work, massage, karate, and time with friends, I have achieved my goal of earning and receiving my 1st Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. We began testing at 0900 and finished right around 1200. We were expected to complete a physical fitness test (2 mins push-ups, 2 mins sit-ups, and 1 mile run), as well as perform all the curriculum learned for the current cycle. I must say, the karate part was the easy part. I struggled on the run a little bit, but I finished. I had a rough time training last week as I had a migraine for 3 days straight, but I did my best to prepare regardless. There are a great group of people at my school, and they are all very supportive!

My Uncle Wes, Aunt Louise, and Aunt Miriam made it to my test! I was so pleased! Brooks came and picked Annette and I up for the test, and Melanie met us there. After the test was over, Tiffany, Derrick, and Anna had also showed up! It was so awesome! I have an amazing group of friends! They are my family away from home, so, I feel very blessed that I have so many people that care about me in my life. Heavenly Father has really put people in my life that have taught me about charity, and humility. Scott counseled me to choose a new ward by thinking about how I can help serve the people in it, rather than how they can serve me. It had a profound affect on me and I realized that going back to the Almaden III ward was where I was supposed to go, even though, I would rather go to a family ward. To quote President John F. Kennedy, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." Words to live by, whether it be for your neighbor, your workplace, church, or community.

Tiffany and Brooks both were able to attend the Gala on Saturday night, where I received my belt at a candle ceremony. I was so excited to have accomplished my goal. I set a goal to be black belt by the end of the year, and I achieved it! It was an incredible feeling. Now, on to the next goal! Great timing, as it is the end of the year, and time to reflect and start new goals for the new year! Oh, and for future reference, when you are tired and going to see a movie and have ice cream, watch the movie first, then have the ice cream. We fell asleep during the movie, so now we have to wait until it comes out on DVD to see it again. LOL! The funniest part of the whole affair, is that this is the second time I've gone to see it, and fell asleep the first time as well!

Church was great! I went to the Almaden II ward Relief Society with Nancy! She was like a proud mama when they asked about any good news to report or share! She told everyone that I received my black belt! I was a little embarrassed, but it was awesome! She is so cute!

erika j

Lots of Work

Been working a lot still, but loving it! I was a little stressed out yesterday, so as soon as I got home I was ready to go to the gym and work out the frustration! Good thing Nettie got home at the exact same time, because I asked her if she wanted to go run and swim at the gym, and good thing she agreed. I needed to get worked out!

Now that I know I can run a mile without stopping, I am going to try and improve my time. The black belt test is not very far away, so I need to make sure I don't get off track! I am so excited! Aside from the headaches I have been doing well. The downside to the headaches, is that I have been missing a lot of karate! Doh! I have been training, just on my own when I am not feeling very sick. It's been a little frustrating, but it's looking up! I am looking forward to going to class tonight!

erika j

Good Times

The most sweetest weekend! So, Friday night, I earned my black belt recommended and spent the remainder of the evening at Chevy's with a group of friends in celebration. I didn't stay out very late, as I had to get up early to go to a cheer competition my nieces are involved in. I did chat with Carrie in the parking lot after Mark dropped us off at our cars. It was really nice to talk to her one on one, and in person! She really was an amazing roommate! We chatted about what was going on and what are plans coming up were! She will be finishing school this semester and will be facing the world head on pretty soon! She's excited and scared all at the same time, and I can't say I blame her! :) Love that girl!

I woke up nice and early to get ready for the competition and for the Temple. I had talked to a few people Friday about hitching a ride with them to the Temple, so, I planned on meeting up with them after the competition. The girls were absolutely adorable! Anna Marie and Isabella are the most adorable little cheerleaders ever! We took a few pictures together and it was such a great feeling to be around them! I just loved how they would come up to me and give me a great big hug! I miss working with children and seeing all their smiling faces! Anna Marie is the youngest, and she did such a great job, as well as it being her first competition! She was all smiles!!!

Going to the Temple two times in three days was truly a remarkable experience. I have gone four times in one week before, and the experience was intense. I learn so much when I a attend the Temple, whether it be about what we are learning, or if it is something in my life that I am seeking answers or directions for. I talked with Nancy a lot on Thursday night and was able to share some of the insights with Michelle, Bishop, and even Brooks a little. I gained some wonderful insights from those I talked with.

This week has gone pretty quickly! I am hoping to get everything done on my list!

erika j

Black Belt Whaaat???

So, yes! Tonight, I am testing with intent to promote to Black Belt Recommended, so I am really excited! Also, my beautiful neices will be competing in a cheer competition tomorrow! Woo hoo!

erika j

I'm all moved! Errrrr...Mostly

Well, I moved all my big stuff that required Brett's and Brooks' truck on Wednesday, and the rest on Friday I did on my own with my car! Our apartment was cleared out and I was kind of bummed about it. It was so empty! There were a lot of great memories in that ol' apartment and I am going to miss my roomie, Carrie. Here is a young woman who thinks she is not very service oriented when really, she is an amazing example of service!

For the past year and one-half, she has helped me in many aspects of life. She has taught me about humility, compassion, and charity. Carrie doesn't even realize the impact she has made in my life, nor do I think she realizes her true potential! As much as I have teased her about how "well" she works with kids, she really is going to be an amazing wife and mother. I don't know how I would have made it through this last year without her around making sure I make it safely to my bed at night (I come home way too late)! I am going to miss her and wish her the best with her studies and in the search for an Eternal Companion, and that she has lots of kids!!! HEH!

My room is in shambles! I have boxes everywhere and clothes in piles from pulling them out of bags and boxes trying to find something to wear! I am going to spend some time on it later this week, if not this weekend for sure! I do have a trail from my door to my bed, so that is the important thing! I am excited to be living in a house of girls, as it is a new experience for me on many levels. I am hoping to save some money living there, but we will have to see how the drive goes! It's an easy drive to work and to the gym, but karate is a bit away. It should be fine though! I am planning on getting into awesome shape for my black belt test in December! I have been working on it, but I am comitted to maintaining and acheiving my goal of physical fitness!

erika j

Cost of Living

Another week in paradise! No one said paradise was going to be cheap cost of living! I have been searching for an apartment and it has been really frustrating. Everything "in" my price range is either ghetto, or I don't "qualify." What does that mean at any rate? What do they care if I eat or not? Argh! I am feeling a little stressed, I guess, but I am not going to let it get me down! I love living in San Jose, especially south San Jose (Branham, Almaden areas). Everything I do, aside from the easy drive downtown to work everyday, is on the south side of town. I attend church, train in martial arts, shop, wash my car, spend time with friends (when I make that time), and workout in the same vicinity. It's been a challenge living on the east side, even though I know it is only temporary! I looked at a complex yesterday and it wasn't too bad! They want $950 for a tiny 1 bedroom! I can pay that and live at Almaden Lake Village, I think. Maybe, I will have to revisit the AL Village and see if it is something I might want. They have a washer and dryer in the unit, so that would be really great!

...

Well, I found a room to rent (credit check pending! I am not worried about the credit check, as I am in good standing. I have never had any problems getting rent on time! It's always on time! Not the exact situation I was looking for, nevertheless, it is something I have to do for the time being. I would rather rent a place on my own, but this will work until I find the right deal! I think my aunt and uncle rent a condo in the area, but I am not sure if it is vacant! If it were to come available and was in an affordable price range, I could either rent it myself, or get a roommate! I will have to look into it!

For now, I am moving into Gina's house!

erika j

Church was great!

So, our Sunday school lesson was about marriage and the role it plays in Heavenly Father's plan for us. I really enjoyed all the comments and insights that were shared. They really helped me feel more at ease with my current status. I have set the bar fairly high, as far as expectations, standards, and values are concerned. I want an eternal commitment from a husband and I will offer the same in return. Bishop Greene talked about what is expected of us right now. Right now, we are expected to live in the world and not be of the world. Live a life to serve others and not ourselves, complete humility, as well as with charity. If we are living right and following the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we will be directed down the path our Heavenly Father wants us to be. We need to be faithful and understanding of things happening on His time frame, and not our own.

erika j

Las Vegas Trip

Well, it was a short week coming back from CR and even shorter leaving for Vegas on Friday morning. I must admit, I was a little frustrated Friday morning when I realized I had "misplaced" my brand new digital camera! It was 0430 and I was in a hurry to get to Brooks and Jordan for our big Vegas trip, when I couldn't find my camera. I had "misplaced" my portable DVD player earlier in the week, and didn't think to look for my camera. I felt a little frustrated with all that is going on, but still, my hopes were high for the weekend! What can be better than hanging out with two smart guys, watching fast cars go, and chillin' in the car to some good tunes? Not much, at least, being the righteous living LDS woman that I am. If I were married, there are a few things I might have thought about doing, for example, "asking" my husband to take me on a long motorcycle ride into a Nevada sunset, or go off-roading in the desert. Since I am single, feeding off the adrenalin of the races was good enough for me!

There were probably two highlights to my trip that I would like to make mention of right here and now. It might sound kind of silly, but truly were the highlights. The first, was on Saturday night after Brooks lost his race (he took a red light, but got to break his dial-in for kicks and giggles), we were all standing along the fence watching the stunt riders (motorcycles) go back and forth while there was some track work being done. After two days of trying to stay out of the boys' way as they worked on the truck, it seemed that for almost five minutes I existed again at Brooks came over to talk to me. Since I am capable of talking anyone's ear off, I tried hard to keep all questions and comments to a minimum, as Las Vegas is a long way away when you are driving, especially when you are pulling a trailer. So, the entire time I had been watching the racing I had many thoughts go through my head. I had my favorite cars and their reasons for being so, and was getting familiar with the names and different divisions of racing at the event Brooks came over and asked me if I was having a good time and if I had seen some fast cars. I told him I had and told him what my favorites were, etc. It was fun to just share some thoughts, especially because he would understand my reasons for liking certain cars and not others. It was fun just to share and for someone to even ask me. It seemed like I had worked so hard to keep out of the way, that I almost made myself disappear into my own little world. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing my own thing, but for a brief moment, it was nice to share.

My next favorite experience, was after we unloaded the trailer when we got back to San Jose and Brooks told me he was going to take the truck out for a spin, and that I was going to get the ride I have been waiting to get! Let me just say, and to quote my darling, Jordan, Brooks' truck "is not slow." Brooks told me I was going to have a "perma-smile," and let me tell you, I did! Just thinking about it, puts a smile on my face! = ) WOW! We raced up and down Tully and when we were done, my hands were shaking from the adrenaline! It was great! I was ready to go faster, and I am not even sure what would happen if we had, because it was so great! "I'm not scared!" I was telling Anna and Amber about it later on that evening, and Anna said that when he took her for a ride in the Viper, she was yelling at him to slow down. Are you kidding me? The Viper's nothing compared the the 'Yota! It's all about G-Force baby!

I hope to find someone to marry that has many interests like I do, and isn't afraid to pursue new things as well! Watching the little kids in their mini-hot rods, made me excited for my kids someday! I can hardly wait to take a class on automotive Systems, whether it is official or independent! I want to learn all I can. It's absolutely fascinating, and the rush, wow, hard to explain. I get excited just watching, imagine if you were all up in it?

erika j

Camp Ritchie

Camp Ritchie was the best ever! I had a lot of "firsts" and learned so much! It was my first time really getting in the lake and being active in the water. It was my first time attempting to wake board and water ski and it was a great time! I didn't get up, but I sure did have fun doing the best I could! The food was great and the weather was absolutely perfect! Couldn't have asked for better weather!

I made goals for labor day weekend and it was to seek answers to questions, receive guidance and comfort, to enjoy nature, and of course, to have a good time with friends. I achieved all of these things. I kept my socializing to a minimum, however, it may have been misinterpreted as being sad, bored, or sulky. I say this, because people came up to me and asked me about my "condition."

I guess what some people don't understand about me, is I tend to have a very introverted side to me. I am pretty crazy, but there is more to me that just putting on a show! I like to look inside and figure things out on my own, then come out of my cocoon when I am ready and have things worked out. I have learned in the past few years that help is not far away, and that there is nothing wrong with asking for it. I still struggle, but I have learned to reach out a bit more!

I have been so happy these last few months about where I am in my life! It's been a long road back to this point and I have to share that whenever I can. You never know who might be able to benefit from the sharing of you life experiences. I talked to my sister, Belky, a few weeks ago I think and during our phone conversation she told me that she could hear a difference in my voice and in the way I was speaking. It was really awesome talking to her. She even updated me on how my baby sister was doing while out in Georgia. It was a really neat conversation.

I hope to express my thoughts with limpid cogency.

So, let us see...My first goal was to get answers to questions. I did my best to think about all the wonderful blessings in my life, as well as the great challenges! I love challenges! It's what drives me every single day of my life! Challenges and obstacles are what make us smarter, stronger, and yes - happier! What I have noticed in my life of singlehood, is that I am constantly at a crossroad of some sort. I understand that there will always be crossroads, it actually makes me excited about life, but being single, it's a constant thread in my life. When I was in college and was involved in a long term relationship, the challenges and choices were different. As much of what I did revolved around the "us" rather than the "me." Being single, I live for myself and pretty much do what I want to do, but I am constantly on the go with decisions that will not only affect me today, but also my future family as well.

The night before I left for CR (Camp Ritchie), I went over to Scott and Nancy's to borrow a sleeping bag and flashlight. While there, I enjoyed some cake and small talk. Apparently, Scott could tell I had something on my mind. As I made my way out the door, I solicited his services by requesting a priesthood blessing. We had a pretty nice chat and ended it with some amazing words of comfort and guidance! "Ask and ye shall receive." Something he said in the blessing was that he hoped the blessing would "pierce" me. As I walked to my car, I felt the power of the words he spoke and was mindful of his advice the whole weekend! The blessing was exactly what I needed!

I enjoyed the lake for the first time! I usually don't go down to the lake, as I have been a bit afraid to go into it. A couple reason, one, I never really knew how to swim, second, I am very inexperienced with outdoor nature sports, as our family wasn't really into that sort of thing growing up. It is one of those experiences I needed someone to hold my hand (literally) the first time in! A few weeks ago, I went to Arroyo Seco and did the swim/hike in the gorge and had a blast! I was ready for the lake after that whole experience! So, I must say I enjoyed nature a lot this weekend!

My favorite moment at CR was while I was in the lake waiting for the boat to come back around for me. I was floating with my feet up and I put my head back in the water. The water was amazing and we were the only boat on the lake (it was around 8 or so). I just felt an amazing sense of peace and was so relaxed. Yes, me relaxed! I was also humbled, just so you all know! I sometimes pride myself in my ability to pick up easily on different types of sports, but water sports are completely foreign to me. I couldn't get up! I almost got up a couple times, but just missed! I really enjoyed the challenge though! The fact that is was hard for me, made me like it all that much more!!!

I left Sunday night after watching "Mormons and Mobsters." I am usually the biggest critic about Mormon flicks, but I must say, this movie was a riot! I actually laughed a lot! I would definitely recommend it to people, which I don't usually do with those types of movies! At any rate, the weekend was great and had time on Monday to move over a few big items! Leaving for Vegas early tomorrow morning! Woo hoo!

erika j

I'M MOVING!!!

I was recently comparing the writing and content of the blogs some of my friends are maintaining. I found that a blog for me is like an online journal of sorts, and that makes me happy! I am much faster typing on a keyboard than I am writing, which saves me time, as I would spend three times longer handwriting the exact same information, furthermore, by typing the entry allows me to go back and actually have something legible! For those of you who have had the opportunity to "read" or attempt to decipher my "hieroglyphics" (as scott likes to call it), this is no easy task!

At any rate, the point here is I choose to write about my life, perhaps to help me process the "goings on" of the days that pass, as well as express my emotions, thoughts, and dreams of the days to come. My friend Derrick is great at keeping up with current events and thinking of others! I try to think of others, etc., but to know avail. I am too self-absorbed and selfish right now to care a whole lot about others, even though I really try!

I will be moving at the end of the month! Woo hoo! Well, sort of woo hoo! Woo hoo for cheaper rent, as I am in need of some savings in that area, especially with gas being three dollars a gallon! Sadly, my roommate of nearly 2 years, and I will not be moving together. We both seek cheaper rent, so we must part ways!

It might be time to sell my car and get a motorcycle! Seriously! If I had the money right now I would buy a street bike! However, if I had the money, I would be able to afford the gas! LOL! It's a win, win situation! The move is a good one! I will be renting a room from my friend, Tricia, and it has been fun so far. I am not the best roommate as far as being home and participating in whatever is going on, and when I am home all I want to do is talk about me and my day! Again, never said I was good about thinking of others. I can be a good listener, I just need a clear "I need you to listen," then I am all good! I like the new place a lot. I am going to be storing my dirtbike there, so it works out really well. It is a little out of the area of town that I am used to, but that is okay! I have some learning to do!

The house is located right next to a Buddhist Temple, which is really cool. From the window in my room I can see the a good part of the Temple and it is kind of cool! I wonder if visitors are allowed to check it out and see what it is all about??? I will have to look in to it!

One of my favorite characteristics of the whole deal are the roosters that crow every morning! I love it! Reminds me of growing up in Orosi and staying at my grandma's house. We lived there for awhile and spent a lot of time there as kids. I remember the sound of the chickens in the backyard early every morning, along with all the other sounds of the early risers! It's a lot different from the sounds I hear today, but both situations produce different thoughts, memories, and emotions! There is something cool about the sounds of the morning! I guess I have always been an early riser, and whoever I marry will always have breakfast by the time he wakes up (unless he too, is an early riser, but most people are not).

My grandpa always had lots of chickens. He would set up the roosters in different areas of the yard and "work" them out. Then, every once in awhile, you would see him gather up his wood box-cages and head off in his old chevy truck! Hmmmm???? I wonder what he went off to do??? Heh! Ahhh....life in rural California! It's like paradise...errrr....but different! :)

erika j

Sleepy

I have been running pretty hard these last weeks! Tonight, I am going to listen to my body and my emotions and hit the sack early! I feel like I have been running at a high RPM without being able to shift into the next gear, and that is not a good thing. I can't speed up, nor can I step it up and keep up the pace at a lower RPM, therefore, I need to take a moment to pause and enjoy what is going on around me! I am happy and sad all at the same time, and it is amazing to see the difference I feel as I have made the goal to be more diligent in my scripture study and in my personal religious observances.

erika j

Life's Sweet Reminders

I love the reminders we get from time to time, telling us we are alive! Showing us in ways, both large and small, that Life is precious and fragile. I want to live my life to the fullest and learn all of the many histories and inventions of the world, from the Egyptian pyramids to the internal combustion engine. I appreciate the delicate reminder to slow down, especially when I don't realize I just might be going too fast to enjoy it all! For example, setting up the canopy at the racetrack and my friend has to tell me "One thing at a time, Erika!" when I didn't even realize I was trying to do two things at once (unfortunately, I think he was really frustrated with me that day, oops! :) It really struck a chord in me, about the way I do things sometimes! It was nice to have someone around make that clear to me, even in its small measure.

erika j

I love the Temple!

I just got home from the Temple! It was great! I hadn't been to the Temple for quite some time, so it was nice to be able to go! I went with Nancy and Scott! I had a lot to think about and a lot to pray about, so taking time out to do some work and reflect on all that is happening in my life is a a good thing!

My mind is constantly racing about this and that...Lately, it seems, my mind has been lost in the clouds. Changes, changes, changes. A new ward, new hobbies, new interests, new schedules, new goals, as well as new commitments to my spiritual plan! I am so blessed!

I am going to Pismo beach to pick up my "new" dirtbike from my Pops! It is going to be so much fun! My friend, Tiff and I, will be driving down on Friday night, after our friend Jenny's bridal shower. I am really looking forward to riding!

Livin' it up!

 

There should be a law against the way I live my life!  I have way too much fun!  Sometimes, I have to ask myself, "Am I doing enough?"  Really?  I keep busy with lots of activities, but do I "DO" enough?  I have been trying to make myself more accessible to help people out when they are in need, and that has been rewarding!  I am also trying to venture out of my comfort zone and be more outgoing. 

 

I am attending a new church Ward, which basically means I am attending a ward that is based on geographical location, rather than marital status.  I have attended a YSA (Young Single Adult) ward since I joined the LDS church and felt that it was time for a change!  I am excited to be in a new ward, but I am a little nervous.  Not only is it an entirely new group of people, but I have no excuse that would prevent me from visiting other YSA wards!  Thus, forcing me to go out and meet new people.  I have made some small efforts recently, as I reckon, baby steps are best, rather than falling into Paula Abdul's trap "2 steps forward, 3 steps back."

 

Aside from trying to get out more socially, I am also excited about a new scope of learning!  My friend is very passionate about cars, and drag racing!  I have found that the way a car functions is quite fascinating!  The science involved and how things work together, has captured my minds desire to want to learn more!  I have been doing a lot of reading lately, but look forward to the day I can get involved hands on!

 

erika j

Changes

So, my schedule continues to be full, and days continue to be busy. On Saturday, I learned to can tomatoes in the morning, then spent the late morning / early afternoon sewing a quilt for my roommate, while doing laundry, grocery shopping, and doing some prep work for dinner later that night. I attended a Pioneer day picnic with the Branham ward, which proved to be quite a successful venture as I am not always comfortable being outgoing and the first to say, "hello!"

My friend, Brooks and I, had BBQ Chicken, asparagus, and fruit salad later that night for dinner! It was a lot of fun and I had time to relax. I don't always make time to just relax and veg out! I also went to the Branham ward on Sunday morning, then attended the Mt. Hamilton branch later that afternoon! Brooks asked me to help him promote Camp Ritchie, so off we went! It was an interesting experience. There were only a few people in the branch and I am used to having so many more people, as the Branham ward is the biggest ward in the Stake, and the A3 is a decent size as well.

Camp Ritchie is a great place! It is located up in the Sierras and is used in the summertime as a week camp for boys and girls between the ages of 12-17 years old. It is a great place where the kids learn a lot of valuable lessons for life, as well as getting an opportunity to get out into nature and away from the hustle and bustle of the city. One of the great things about Camp Ritchie is the enormous opportunity for spiritual growth! While at camp, the kids learn about gospel principles and learn more about our Heavenly Father's plan for His children here on earth, and to know of their great potential and worth. As single adults, we have an opportunity at the end of the summer to spend Labor Day weekend and close down the camp for the winter. Pretty much, it is a nice weekend camping with a couple hours on Saturday doing some service work (the closing of the camp). There is an array of outdoor activities available to all who attend, and plenty of space to go off and have your own personal time! This, I must admit is my most favorite part of the weekend - personal time!

I spend most of my days going 110% and taking time in my car driving as my own personal time when I remember to have it, or late at night when I am half conscious (if I am lucky). Most of the time, while driving (which isn't much, as most of my activities are in the same vicinity) I spend on the phone trying to connect with friends I don't keep in touch with, or confirming that I am making my way to whatever destination or appointment I am committed to! Heh! These are not complaints by the way! I love my life and the things I do! I am so blessed to be able to do things I enjoy and want to learn!

Poi balls did not go last night, but that is okay! Anna and Kelly had other things to do really at any rate, so it worked out from them. After corresponding with Desiree, the class ended around 2230 hours, so even if we had been late, we probably would have been fine. They are both worriers and I understand that, which is why I agreed to just not go. I could also tell they each were looking forward to doing things with their boy"friends" and had been planning to do so. Anna is puppy sitting as well, so she was concerned about them. When girls say they are down for doing a girls night instead of the planned activity, but spend most of the time on the phone with the boy of choice, it isn't really a girls thing! Next time, I will have to have the plan to spend most of the night learning Poi! :)

erika j

Release

Today, was an important day for me. For over five years, I have served in one calling or another for my YSA ward. I kind of lost my "fire" for the Singles Ward, and felt that I have grown out of the ward, so after lots of thought and prayer, I decided it was time to make a change. As of today, I was released from my calling of Relief Society Secretary, and have plans to attend my geographical ward. It is going to be a big change and the differences are many! I have never spent a significant amount of time in a family ward, and from what I understand it should be a great learning opportunity for me. I am excited and fired up again!

erika j

Busy days!

Days have been passing by quickly! I just talked with my friend, Sommer, for the first time in a long time! She has two beautiful kids and I haven't even seen them yet! I am such a jerk! She is one of the most wonderful people I know, and yet our communication is minimal. She doesn't live very far away, but I struggle to get myself out there! I remember when I first made the move out to the Bay area. I wasn't sure what it was going to be like without her and a few of my other friends! Well, needless to say, I have made many friends since then, and it was only yesterday that I left the Central Valley without looking over my shoulder!

My Twinners is in France for the next little while, and it has been so long since we have hung out. We did, however, enjoy some great BBQ at Reiko's house on Saturday of fourth of July weekend, but it was a short visit. I am glad that Reiko (Derrick's aunt) lives so close by my house and made it all possible! Maybe next time they go to France, I will be able to afford to go, too!